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LADIES --- you can call me the Chesapeake bay 'cause I look pretty but I'm shallow as hell and have crabs.
don't tweet / i know just what you're saying / and i know who you're fav'ing / don't @ me 'cause it hurts.
YOLO was way better when it was called "Death Is Certain"
Macklemore puts down the newspaper with the headline "Macklemore? More like WACKlemore!" and silently weeps into his cheerios
you guys hear about that Gavin Rossdale & GWAR collab? They're calling it Bush vs Gore
"dodge ram" and "dodge charger" are both the names of cars and also sound pieces of advice
Upon much reflection I've determined that a cafe bro lait is when you cut your coffee with muscle milk.
The Kubrick "Lolita" was good, but yknow what would have been better? A 9 hour film trilogy. In 3D at 48 FPS
i've almost got this great joke about the british invasion but I'm still working out the kinks.
Jackson O'Brien. Expert. Not a real horse.
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