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Dear couples who argue even at the beach or park.. Nooo
Hug your mother. Or me. Really just me.
I'm a gentlemanly masturbator.
I should share my favorite porn too, just to be thoroughly honest. My depravity is really highlighted in those links.
My Part Of Twitter is the bad part of town in The Neighborhood of Make-Believe.
Im leaving my daughter home alone tonight and wondering which of us will get in more trouble.
Everytime someone in America snaps and kills a group of people, I worry I have probably trophied their tweets at least 25 times or so.
Going to Walmart to pick up some milk, eggs and Hep C.
My youngest (aka the lil Prince) just asked me to "call breakfast"
I broke his heart when I told him there is no room service here
Sleeping with your whole family in one hotel room is a very Third World experience. Except for the 4 iPhones, 2 tablets, 1 laptop & wifi
Slamming Jameson & tweeting in the only part of the hotel room were my sons aren't.
So, essentially, the closet
12 hours in a car makes everyone hallucinate right? Couldn't possible be food poising & expired meds right?
Thirsty bitches ain't got shit on me.
I mean, I really want a mango Snapple... But I'd TOTALLY settle for an Evian.
Brain: fuck him
Heart: fuck HIM
Pussy: FUCK him
A lesson in inflection.
There is a reason I live 2,300 miles away from family. Hell, there are HUNDREDS of reasons. 😠😡
But my typo filled tweets make me more relatable*!
I'm a little worm on a big fucking hook. @Girrlgenius owns my ♡ and my cock. Blocked by @E_L_James and loving it.
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