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I dyed my hair black last night. I'm a middle aged woman going through teen angst, apparently.
Your throwback makes me throw up.
"What's the magic word?"
alright everyone, big asses are over we're moving on to back-of-the-head/neck rolls on fat bald men
I wanna be the reason you say, "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
I'd be a little sad to see an end to a United Kingdom. That said, it hasn't been truly united nor a Kingdom for a very long time.
Morning news: Fires, floods and virus outbreaks...but the weather is nice.
It's a beautiful day for the apocalypse.
Sending a work email at 4:59 and then logging off for the day is my version of walking away from an explosion in slow motion.
I will be with you every day. Even if only in my mind.
I'm not sure what it says about me that the second person on my most called list is the pharmacy, but you guys should probably be thankful.
Maybe pain put you where you are.
...but you can use that pain to get to you where you want to go.
New parents will never understand the pain of having to deal with Barney.
Every generation ever has thought the next were the end of civilisation.
And every generation has been wrong.
Don't be like your parents.
Some days a smile is an achievement.
Imagine that for one day you came in reverse and your dick just sucked stuff up like a straw. Like, all stuff. Bread crumbs. Nickels. Pets.
Apparently, if Scotland vote for independence the U2 album becomes un-deletable across the border.
Seeing as my doctor will have his fingers inside me the least he could do is play some mood music.
"Come on I'm late!! Get in the car!" Translates to I think I'll take a long poop, forget to pack my lunch and lose my shoes.
We have these really sexy text convos where he tells me good morning & how busy he is going to be ALL day.
Functionally miserable. Grateful pessimist. Earlobe enthusiast. The radiant @GirrlGenius gives me a ♡on.