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My kids have boycotted flushing their toilet for some reason.
Guess how I found out?
Some of you have way too much time on your hands.
You know I'm throbbing
So you make me wait
M➡️Dr: "It hurts when I tweet"
Dr: Ms, this a gynecology practice. Plz leave!
M: grumbling "all you had to say was "then don't tweet, ffs"
In all honesty, I suspect my period is just as surprised to see me every month.
I'm sorry for texting you that NOW the birth of your 1st child counts, bc I've announced it on Twitter.
I fucking love tea.
*continues carefully curating cliché twitter persona*
I just wanna see myself as he sees me
I hate it when my TC's wife calls me during Sunday family dinner
If a guy comments that you're wearing too much makeup or you'd like better with less, tell him he'd look better if he fucked off.
I'm a little worm on a big fucking hook. @Girrlgenius owns my ♡ and my cock. Blocked by @E_L_James and loving it.
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