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I'm farting so much I think I deflated.
Vagina juice is my Löwenbräu.
The signs were everywhere. Written in her eyes, hello. In her heart, welcome. In her arms, stay. This is how I found home.
A jerk off motion..
But with your ass
Wake up, check that the world is still there, turn everything off, and go back to sleep.
Aw, you responded when you really didn't need to, and for that I'm eternally creeped out.
The best thing about working shiftwork is nothing
Single ply toilet paper is forged from trees, broken razor blades, and seething hatred
If I make me happy first, I make everyone else happy around me.
- Smart people.
I know he protects me, but he has no idea how far I will go to protect him
People who say "Only god can judge me" has never been on Facebook.
If Lysol kills 99% or bacteria and disease, then can we use it to rid ourselves of Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber and the Kardashians?
7/21/14 10:00 am
It's 5:00 pm in London.
I'll drink to that.
I love summer!!!
*Comes back inside.
Mum's having surgery so I'm gathering things she loves; magazines, candy, DVDs & opportunties to tell my brother & I how we disappoint her.
What the actual fuck! There's bacon in the fridge but it's MOULDY! How could this even happen!!
What did I do wrong, baby?
The fact that you don't even know, makes me madder. Just goes to show that you don't care at all...
Cinema lackey. Grateful pessimist. Earlobe enthusiast. The radiant @GirrlGenius gives me a ♡on.