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Sometimes, the depth and breadth of people's generosity and love for strangers catches me off guard, reminding me of how everyone should be.
Giving random pieces of fruit a slap is part of my high-five-a-day.
Purely based on the sounds from above, I think one of her many kids has been chained to a piece of furniture, which then fell on them.
Looking forward to something and then waiting all day only to have it ruined.
has anyone tried the s'moreos yet???? i can't find em!!
Oh, pantyhose... Why do you try my patience? You're just asking for me to let him destroy you.
I'm sorry, but I didn't understand your joke on Twitter. Please explain it to me.
Just take a second to think about how fucking cute a cat astronaut in a space suit would be. You're welcome.
Single and ready to tingle...
Attempted viral campaign for upcoming movie flops: http://reddit.com/r/videos/comments/36u5go/guy_buys_old_storage_chest_at_auction_finds/ … #Reddit pic.twitter.com/JUgLFCnNrN
You look the type of asshole who puts the dice back in the cup for the next player.
(There are maybe 10 of you drunks who will get this).
I'm going for a run because the boy says that when I'm skinny he will buy me a cookie from papa johns.
You are all horrible people. And I love you.
Had a dream that I was sitting with Einstein, Nietzsche and Peewee Herman and we were discussing the merits of bondage. We resolved shit.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) is the first film I've ever left the theatre feeling beaten black and blue by
I'm a little worm on a big fucking hook. @Girrlgenius owns my ♡ and my cock. Blocked by @E_L_James and loving it.
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