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Crap. 7 just deep throated a pixie stick. Worrisome on many levels.
Didn’t know what to wear for Halloween so I decided to get a neck tattoo and go out as unemployed.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say I don't speak for anyone here at all.
Ran out of candy. Gave away my collection of Playboys from the 1970s. Those kids are going to learn about bush tonight.
Why would I go anywhere when I can stay home and not wear pants?
You're cute like come fuck me cute.
I fucked a ghost once he was called your ex.
I see one god damn Christmas avi tomorrow, I'm blowing up Twitter.
Nice costume, you going as a lack of pride this Halloween?
I am making my house California spooky tonight. I am filling it with saturated fats and second hand smoke.
*Gives kid a Snickers*
"Umm I'm allergic to nuts do you have anything else?"
"No, just be thankful I'm not giving you a wedgie"
If you say you're watching a scary movie tonight I will assume it's the un-rated biography on my life
let's see how ugly we can get
i knew you were trouble when you brought gin
I'm giving out Fiber One granola bars for Halloween because I'm an asshole.
Drinking with the demons of Azeroth.
Functionally miserable. Grateful pessimist. Earlobe enthusiast. The radiant @GirrlGenius gives me a ♡on.