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A guy said something to me last night that was so perfect I googled it to find out if it was a line from The Notebook.
Dating is hard guys.
Life’s A Botch (Inserts trademark symbol. Gets rich.)
''Keep your friends close but your WiFi password closer'' ~ Gandhi, Oct1989.
Just one kiss on my shoulder and I'm jell-o
It's like people on Facebook don't even know that shutting the fuck up is a thing.
Some of you people are so fucking transparent to everyone but yourself.
I think it's time we broke up
I'm only as awake as my last coat of mascara.
Show me your tits!!!!
Ladies - my secret to reducing creepy dm's? Make it clear by your photos that you are creepier than they are. Works like a charm
Good morning loves! Have a fantabulous day! Be extra kind to the doodie heads today and you WIN! Muah! Find the beautiful...💙
I only work out so I can push people away harder.
Oh for fuck sake you two, get a room already
*Points at America and Benjamin Franklin*
I'm so good at being bad just for him
Mine looks less like a "To Do" LIST than a TOWER of "To Do's"; I'm not getting anywhere near that thing now.
For every dick pic you ladies get, I've received a tit pic, which equals two boobs that aren't any prettier than those dicks. Now shut up.
You know it is unattractive to whine.
Which makes me wonder: why hasn't that stopped you?
My high-level IQ means that I'm more intelligent than 94% of my Twitter peers, but my boob selfies suggest that I don't want you to know it.
Functionally miserable. Grateful pessimist. Earlobe enthusiast. The radiant @GirrlGenius gives me a ♡on.