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I'm only as awake as my last coat of mascara.
Show me your tits!!!!
Ladies - my secret to reducing creepy dm's? Make it clear by your photos that you are creepier than they are. Works like a charm
Good morning loves! Have a fantabulous day! Be extra kind to the doodie heads today and you WIN! Muah! Find the beautiful...💙
I only work out so I can push people away harder.
Oh for fuck sake you two, get a room already
*Points at America and Benjamin Franklin*
I'm so good at being bad just for him
Mine looks less like a "To Do" LIST than a TOWER of "To Do's"; I'm not getting anywhere near that thing now.
For every dick pic you ladies get, I've received a tit pic, which equals two boobs that aren't any prettier than those dicks. Now shut up.
My high-level IQ means that I'm more intelligent than 94% of my Twitter peers, but my boob selfies suggest that I don't want you to know it.
Hey, people who claim you can stop whenever you want to...
Why the fuck would you want to do that?
Why is it I am a rock star at fixing other people's lives...
...and a drunken idiot at fixing my own?
I try posting on FB, but truly everything I write looks like a tweet or a joke format.
And yes, those joke formats bomb over there too.
If you think I'm a cunt because someone talked shit about me in a Kik Room, unfollow me. You obviously have been misinformed.
Can I turn my instagram dm off?
-Things I ask strangers in line at walgreens. Because fuck if I know how to do that shit.
Functionally miserable. Grateful pessimist. Earlobe enthusiast. The radiant @GirrlGenius gives me a ♡on.