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"@hotpatooties: “@needtocare: Siamese cat Lilu gone missing. Seal Point (brown & cream). Kink at tail base. Bermondsey pic.twitter.com/u8XdTw5N"
Totally bought Fondant Fancies today. Damn you @britishbakeoff and your cakey ways.
Wow. @thepoke: amazing RT @hwallop: Apols for retweet, but this obituary will be best thing you read today. http://t.co/m53ISOxD
RT @thepoke: A new website that's both useful and refreshingly blunt http://t.co/Pk8YUjhI Via @mjrobbins
RT @danev_: "Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is found in only one. Which one seems unnatural now?"
Parents woken at 4:30am by policemen with machine guns about the gunman in street dad apparently called about. He didn't #dontprankmyparents
@daniellennox RT @indiaknight: RT @kitsunenoir: Be warned, YOU WILL NEVER UNSEE THIS: http://bit.ly/dhsvhR
"@emmafreud: This is a drain services van in front of me in traffic jam. Genius. pic.twitter.com/wHFQbQTv"
I'm off out to a coffee shop on my ownown for an hour or two, the best thing you can give a mum, time alone! Thanks @daniellennox
"@twoptwips: COMPULSIVE LIARS. Get over your condition by becoming a unicorn. Like I did. (via @petercater)"
RT @twoptwips: GET a stool in a crowded pub by simply putting Westlife on the jukebox and waiting for the key change. (via @jcautomatic)
Oh. My. RT @caitlinmoran: Oh no. I've got stuck looking at the picture of Bruce Springsteen again: http://t.co/ZaoWbkMy
RT @tomdavenport: @rufushound The purpose of twitter is to share disappointed starfish pics. http://t.co/I9tyfBIk
RT @lettersofnote: This sentence has five words. Here are five more words... http://t.co/gplUKRy0
RT @thepoke: How my cat sees things | The Poke: http://t.co/KGBXYiMn
RT @thepoke: men in the baby food department http://t.co/9DfRtiF1
RT @utterben: A picture of a pig with balls so big that a poo is having a little rest on them. http://t.co/Ubdp4sXU (via @wotsinyourbag)
10 Cool Science Tricks That'll Blow Your Friend's Minds - http://t.co/75U21GZX WOW!!!
RT @garethaveyard: Reasons not to cheat on your tattoo artist boyfriend #12: http://t.co/G6kzjrz6
OH MY GOD.....RT @thepoke: Remember this baby? | The Poke: http://t.co/AJG3Vl3d
Cutter of hair and maker of cakes. I will always have biscuits.
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