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Policeman pulled me over and said Sir do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back
Thank God I thought I had gone deaf
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?
Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums.
How does a bull protect himself from the cold?
He slips into a nice warm Jersey!
Abu Qatada ‘would return to Jordan’
“He must be really dumb or she’s infact a great shag?”
I like my bank’s service of texting me my account balance, I just don’t like it when they add ‘Lol’ at the end
Shoutout To My New Followers - @stingbob71 @bforbleek @carlhallam @karenwebbphoto @rexy_1969 @richsuper9 @plaxo @learnsportfree @rach931
My boss asked me to take a drug test today
they found cocaine in our toilets,i tested that earlier and can confirm it was good shit
phone keeps ringing and all I could hear was someone going "Brrrrrrrrr".
Must have been a cold caller.
The girlfriend told me she wanted something with lots of diamonds for Christmas.
I bought her a deck of cards., not gone down too well :-D
I’ve just met the Pet Shop Boys.
Nice blokes, but they haven’t got a clue what dog is suitable for my flat.
This person not got your skills X @melissawood_x http://twitpic.com/cjcu6z
From now on I’m only going to buy that fancy water with healthy additives.
This ones got hops, yeast and malted barley in it.
@larajade_ i dont see why they would really be interested in low res pictures of peoples food etc! :)
I took my own popcorn into the cinema last night. But they wouldn’t let me use their microwave.
Cunts!!
my two worst habbits are Masturbation and smoking..
Im a 20 a day man…but I smoke like a chimney too
Contemporary Wedding & Portrait Photographer, huge West Ham fan, Tattoo & Cake lover! simon.healey1@btinternet.com
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