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Policeman pulled me over and said Sir do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back
Thank God I thought I had gone deaf
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?
Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums.
How does a bull protect himself from the cold?
He slips into a nice warm Jersey!
Abu Qatada ‘would return to Jordan’
“He must be really dumb or she’s infact a great shag?”
I like my bank’s service of texting me my account balance, I just don’t like it when they add ‘Lol’ at the end
My boss asked me to take a drug test today
they found cocaine in our toilets,i tested that earlier and can confirm it was good shit
phone keeps ringing and all I could hear was someone going "Brrrrrrrrr".
Must have been a cold caller.
It's the cops, everybody act white!
The girlfriend told me she wanted something with lots of diamonds for Christmas.
I bought her a deck of cards., not gone down too well :-D
I’ve just met the Pet Shop Boys.
Nice blokes, but they haven’t got a clue what dog is suitable for my flat.
From now on I’m only going to buy that fancy water with healthy additives.
This ones got hops, yeast and malted barley in it.
I took my own popcorn into the cinema last night. But they wouldn’t let me use their microwave.
my two worst habbits are Masturbation and smoking..
Im a 20 a day man…but I smoke like a chimney too
Contemporary Wedding & Portrait Photographer, huge West Ham fan, Tattoo & Cake lover! firstname.lastname@example.org