Forever 21 not Forever 41.

Also not forever 14, dress your age you little slut!

50 shades of read a real book

Men would be better listeners if we didn't have to worry 'bout not looking at your tits

Pity party of one, your table is ready!

I was telling a joke in my dream and my cricket alarm went off. Well played universe, well played

I call bullshit on your self diagnosed bi-polar disorder.

You're just a bitch

Please tell me 'bout your many trips to Disneyland I'd love to hear it again

Today I will smile at people until they're uncomfortable

I believe in God, is religion I have a problem with

I get it your kids say funny shit, how's about you get them their own account so I can follow them and not you.

I hate when people phrase my tweets funnier than I did. But I respect it

If a guy uses "Fabulous" in an email he has eaten a hundred dicks right?

Wow getting drunk outside is soooo much different

Listen to me cholas, that shit is neither cool nor stylish. Put down the fuckin sharpie and grow your eyebrows

I hope nobody asks about my plans for the weekend 'cause I'm not explaining this

If I'm between grossed out and turned on, you're doing it right.

I need 4 more followers to reach 400
Bacon, Lesbian unicorn sandwich, midget clown, bowl-a-weed, beer, tits, anal, monday sucks. Presto!

Cancel my calls I'm on twitter

Boobs are my squirrels

Don't let your eyelashes bat checks that your boobs can't cash