Things that need to be invented: birth control liquor.

A #dick in the mouth is worth two in the #bush....wait....thats not right

Note to self: not every guy that is nice to you is flirting with you. Some guys are just nice or want to be friends.

I want to be the little spoon,but I have no big spoon so instead I'll be a fork and get all stabby

Things that need to be invented: Birth control liquor

If its tasty and moist, then you know its #vaginacake!

Sometimes all it takes to be awesome is bringing home his favorite beer. Ladies. Its that simple. #boobies and #beer

I have no idea what my co-worker has to be pissed about.Three days off a week, nice house,hubby has good job, no kids.why is she a sourpuss?

If you love someone, tell them. right now. do it.you never know if you will have them tomorrow. #fuckcancer

Someone better tell the cute janitor to quit smiling at me. no one is safe from my advances.

@cool_jesse If you receive an unwanted sext, does that mean you've been molexted?

Jesus, the orginal zombie with a twist. You eat his flesh instead of him eating you #Jesusween

One of my favorite co-workers met at cute guy at the library. Besides being a modern day miracle/vomit inducing, I think the world is ending

I just saw the poster child for #anorexia leaving the library. It made me want a burger, fries and beer.

I do believe the messy ponytail look was born after a curly girl had sex & didn't wanna fix her hair.Currently rocking that look

"You can have me anytime. I'm flexible!" me way too loudly to my boss

"every guy wants a girl with skills" "what kind of skills?" "BJ skills, cooking skills, looking hotter then his friends gf skills"

I have just realized that I will follow almost anyone with #librarian or #geek in their profile.

"Promises are like pie crusts, easily made, easily broken" said by someone who never made a pie crust

My co-workers library crush is here, all dressed cute and looking lonely.Guess he doesn't know her schedule yet. So freakin' cute! awww