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Things that need to be invented: birth control liquor.
A #dick in the mouth is worth two in the #bush....wait....thats not right
Note to self: not every guy that is nice to you is flirting with you. Some guys are just nice or want to be friends.
I want to be the little spoon,but I have no big spoon so instead I'll be a fork and get all stabby
Things that need to be invented: Birth control liquor
If its tasty and moist, then you know its #vaginacake!
Sometimes all it takes to be awesome is bringing home his favorite beer. Ladies. Its that simple. #boobies and #beer
I have no idea what my co-worker has to be pissed about.Three days off a week, nice house,hubby has good job, no kids.why is she a sourpuss?
If you love someone, tell them. right now. do it.you never know if you will have them tomorrow. #fuckcancer
Someone better tell the cute janitor to quit smiling at me. no one is safe from my advances.
Jesus, the orginal zombie with a twist. You eat his flesh instead of him eating you #Jesusween
One of my favorite co-workers met at cute guy at the library. Besides being a modern day miracle/vomit inducing, I think the world is ending
I just saw the poster child for #anorexia leaving the library. It made me want a burger, fries and beer.
I do believe the messy ponytail look was born after a curly girl had sex & didn't wanna fix her hair.Currently rocking that look
"You can have me anytime. I'm flexible!" me way too loudly to my boss
"every guy wants a girl with skills" "what kind of skills?" "BJ skills, cooking skills, looking hotter then his friends gf skills"
I have just realized that I will follow almost anyone with #librarian or #geek in their profile.
"Promises are like pie crusts, easily made, easily broken" said by someone who never made a pie crust
My co-workers library crush is here, all dressed cute and looking lonely.Guess he doesn't know her schedule yet. So freakin' cute! awww