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Sometimes when I get lonely I lie on Facebook and tell everyone to text me cuz I lost my phone.
When you put your baby on your shoulders and just hold its legs everyone knows that you want a baby with sick ass abs.
If you listen closely to my telephone voice you can almost hear me saying "I fucking hate you I can't wait to hang up."
As soon as my husband starts his car I jump back in bed. I once drank a 12 pack of Stellartois at a baby shower.