Just bought myself a new pack of white socks, so yeah, I'm balling pretty hard right now.

<insert Star Wars joke here>

Some stereotypes are true. White people can't dance. There. I said it.

You can't trick me,.ginger chick. My momma told me that white women are the devil.

my safe word is kumquat

THIS IS A SUBTWEET! don't ball harder than your bank account can support. END OF SUBTWEET

"All fighters are idiots" uh...do you really think the person who figured out how to make more in 15 minutes than you all year is dumb?

I'm thinking about being the first black pastry chef, in space.

I can't talk about being fake, though. I'm actually a 13 year old girl named Yumiko.

Drunk me wants to get support me in trouble, clearly.

If there is a feeling better than knowing you're unequivocally better than someone, I haven't found it yet.

I am the sexiest* black guy at the new job. *only

Never trust a man with a pinky ring........

i hate when i'm told to "eat that pussy like it's your full time job". you want me to do it for 3 minutes, then tweet about it all day?

My gym wife is a big black bitch named Sally. She lets me pound on her and doesn't give lip. Everlast tattoos all over her.

Great night with @mikeschilling82 (WHO ACTUALLY EXISTS!) @thewrightjeff and @suzidodt. Yes, there was a pole. Yes, we rode that shit.

#FF #AZMMA Peeps @seanmarsicane_ @scottzolnowski @samstegg @suzidodt @tommymorga @aaronsimpson @cbdollaway @mikeschilling82 @ryanbader

Wife: now what's the time? Me; it's time to get ill. W: huh? Me:........I want a divorce

Found out one of my co-workers is super homophobic. I will be fucking with them from now on. This will be fun.

I am absolutely intolerable after a haircut, but I can't help it if I look good