Geoff Shreeves has been spotted heading to Brad & Angelina's with a folder marked "adoption papers". Brace yourselves kids. #shreevesfacts

@mooseallain Vague: A kind of word. #VagueDictionary

I smell a remix Letter from God to Keith!? "@scroobiuspipyo: @rickygervais I like Keith. I mean... I LIKE Keith. Can you get me his digits?"

The band i'm happy to say I spent 10yrs with & still count as friends. Track called "Stone Throw Away"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YB9YENfvxcs&feature=youtube_gdata_player …

It's about real lives not politics or protest. They were all someone's Father/Son/Brother. #LestWeForget @themickwilliams @stevie_w81

OH NO! BORIS HAS ESCAPED FROM HIS CAGE! QUICK, GET TO HYDE PARK WITH A GIANT NET AND A TRANQUILISER GUN!

The Pope has said mankind is "groping in the darkness" not unlike most of his clergy...

Law enforcement breathes a huge sigh of relief today as Movember ends & it becomes easier to spot genuine sex criminals by their facial hair

That's a bit racist! "BBCScotlandNews: All Blacks can be beaten - Ford "

If anyone would like to come & see my Edinburgh fringe show, then write me some material, find me an agent & book me into a venue. Ta.

Armed Forces Day shout to my #superadventureclub comrades risking life and limb so I can dick about on twitter! @themickwilliams @stevie_w81

i wonder wHy tom cruisE keepS divorcinG All these lovelY girls!? must be something we're missing!?

Morning Tweeters it's free coffee Friday in Starbuck's today, if you give your name as a retro computer game character, you don't pay!

Today's the day! Wishing @mrfibbers & @dani_boan all the very best for their impending nuptials, see you later folks! #Partytime #excellent

So the new Pope's Argentinian, let's see if he uses the 'Hand of God' defence for Catholic priests.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man would still be blind, but would only have one eye. Making him worse off, if anything.

Remember people, it's the day before christmas, if the shop doesn't have it. It's your fault, not theirs. Don't be a dick out there.

Do we really need on location reporting from the forecourt where Bradley Wiggins was run over? It's hardly the fucking Arab spring.

All your equestrian curiosity satisfied in one at-a-glance guide. I'm looking at you @mrfibbers pic.twitter.com/sHkX3CVS

@stevie_w81 @simonmcq Riddler, Spiderman, Galactus, Flash, Green Lantern, Hulk, Thor, Wolverine, a Minotaur, Batman & Gary Caldwell.