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I hired a pesticide company so I really don't need a man around my house.
What's the opposite of a hover parent? I'm that.
If god exists, how do you explain grownup Haley Joel Osment?
I love danger. That's why my middle name is White Snake.
Get a the chest tattoo, buddy, and give me something entertaining to watch during sex.
Smoke a bong load of Jesus you fucking heathens!
Hi, I'm a comic book nerd. Where can I stand in line for something?
Yes I'm home tweeting on a Friday night because pretending to have a life is just as time consuming and annoying as actually having a life.
Some things are just too awful to forget - like 9/11, losing a child or that one time Mariah Carey tried to act
I'd rather we misunderstand each other's texts than have a phone conversation with you
I'm pretty bossy for someone who requires lots of supervision
"Your not dying, you're just really, really stoned."
-my inner voice
I'm like the anti-Manson. He's crazy, but he wants to marry a younger woman.
I want to marry a younger woman, but they're all crazy.
More like turfuckendisgusten am I right!
Spend some time with a green eyed redhead, and later you’ll learn she’s bound you with a ribbon of dark desire you never saw her tie.
Let your burning bridges light the way to a brighter future of even bigger burning bridges.
His soul cries out
I can feel it
a pressing need
to give him my all
an urgent silence
muffled in snowfall
he beckons me
Just told a pretty 19 year old woman that's been flirting with me that I was too busy to go for a coffee.
*adds retard to resume*
the foretaste of your skin
almost to touch mine
I hold fast my dream
like tendril vines
twine & spiral their way
to the sun
If Charles Manson can get married in prison, I should be able to walk up to the drive-thru window and order a taco after 11pm without a car.