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Sometimes im like yeah but most of the time I'm like no.
My kids favorite part of every place we take them? The hand dryers in the bathroom. Every time.
I’m pretty sure the moral of every horror movie ever made is don’t hang out with white people.
Apparently I'm the definition of insanity.
Ohhh it's the little things that make me happy
I drank my lava lamp once so I guess you could say I'm adventurous.
Eating bootleg Nutella. It is 4x better than Nutella. Oh yeah baby
“Give me the Mark Harmon,” said no one to their hair stylist.
Listening to the wind blow the falling leaves reminds me that I'd rather be anywhere but here.
What do you mean I've got to have a actual conversation with you rather than just starring your tweets?
My Grandfather died over 20 years ago. My parents just sprinkled his ashes in his favorite fishing hole outside of Virginia City in Montana.
"Please continue to hold. Your call is important to us." But not important enough to hire a few more minimum wage workers during peak hours.
If you smile at people you really need to stop that shit because they might think you like them.
Twitter. No reason not to commemorate world-wide hubris.
I love my body. That's why I had to let it go.
I've always wondered how many of the People's Temple had a Kool-aid mustache.
Yep. That's messed up.
I see your feeble attempt at whimsy, and I'm calling it.
Time of death: 8:29 pm Oct.18, 2014.