How come when GhostHunters hears n talks 2 voices that arent real they get a show but I do it at work and all the sudden I'm on "leave"

Shhh don't tell for my Anniversary I'm taking my wife to see Jared.

Yeah he's signing autographs at subway that day.

I'm going to start Hoarding but just one thing like Weed and Funyuns

My mom used to say son remember you could be anything you want when you grow up I said oh yeah mom how about a dwarf

I've smoked so much weed my tolerance reset back to zero

The fact that I know what the candidates think about American Idol and Jersey Shore shows exactly what's wrong with politics.

I don't think Jesus is coming back

I been waiting at this bus stop forever

Kelly Clarkson is engaged?

To what cholesterol?

I don't want to spoil the movie Lincoln for you but in the end he dies

When I see someone in my rearview mirror driving a car with the steering wheel on the passenger-side I get all fucking disoriented

Speaking of the foreign aid we give to Egypt..um where is the $...I haven't seen them build one fucking pyramid or even add air conditioning

Yeah I'm sure giving states billions more dollars to feed and school American children would be dumb keep handing it to Egypts Rich Leader

I like how someone looks at me like Im crazy for believing in science then turns around and goes the church
Science = Facts
Bible = Dr Seuss

You can tell the economy is bad when Jewish stores are even open on the weekends.

I'm Mexican btw


So fuck you or chinge tacos or something like that I don't know I don't speak SpaniCH

I'm not surprised that the Dog Whisperer was a Mexican

They both have been spending so much time out in the yard together it was inevitable

You want those people to stop having sex with animals?

Just allow them to get married.

The only way I would support beastiality is if they require them to marry the animal after.

Eventually the sex will stop. Win/Win

@dougbenson yup for 4 more years.

I need to remember that those around me CAN'T hear the song in my headphones.

I could save myself a lot of trouble and court dates.