RT @poetichentai: Ever want to see Tina Fey DESTROY someone misogynist? : http://t.co/i4rqFN3I

RT @deathstarpr: The easiest way to do a convincing Chewbacca impression is to step on a piece of Lego without any shoes on.

No, spambot, I did not see this funny pic of me. Asking me five times just makes you look desperate. Have some self respect.

All commercial musicians eventually find themselves on stage in front of an orchestra. The trick is to do this while you're still cool.

I totally want a swivel chair from #thevoiceau for work so I can just listen to people and only turn round if they sound interesting.

I don't get people who wear undone bike helmets. 'Abiding' by the law but sticking it to da man by being ready to die for neck freedom.

Guess who had 8 hrs sleep last night? No. It wasn't me but whoever she was, I envy her and despise her just a little.

I'm pretty sure if they renamed the Ironman competition to Ironperson, it would have zero impact on my likelihood of participating.

Kanye West wants to call his baby 'North'. I hope the middle name is 'Bynorth'.

I wish the serious time I invest in developing a vast online shopping cart before talking myself off the ledge could be funded as art.

I like a person who can walk into a bar like they're walking onto a yacht.

Someone's outfit just ousted good taste as the mayor of my eyes @foursquare

I'm so tired, I'd like to curl up under my desk like George Castanza. Why have those under-desk beds never gone commercial? Why?

@adrianfernand À propos nothing: lip my stocking!

Magic website which makes everything ok: http://t.co/sbHKz24Q I love this

RT @steveniles: What If The Male Avengers Posed Like The Female One? http://t.co/PzxgB8uY via @kimbalikes

Biggest achievement today: showering.

@mattcowgill Ken Henry should totally be on twitter. I would put him on my 'Stuff that I actually read' list for sure.

@ridiculoussheri this is like when I panic about not being able to see my phone while I'm using it... #sorelieved

I really only like watching the end of Hoarders. Where they've turned their lives around and everything is ok.