You know a yogurt is out of date when it starts to develop a central nervous system

Flying saucers are just landing pads for flying teacups.

Hey- you in the golf buggy. Knock that shit off.

Nothing screams class more than a bare footprint on the inside of a windscreen

On balance, I blame Barry. The time-travelling sprout. Who lives in Elvis's ear.

I think I may have just inhaled a ghoul.

It emerges that the pink plastic flamingo skulking behind the venus fly trap speaks no Esperanto. It further emerges that neither do I.

I am precise, but inaccurate.

Tricky to decide, but I think it was the silver lamé short shorts that gave it away that I wasn't from around those parts.

I find that the smartest people I've met are the ones least likely to use their intellect as a weapon.
They punch upwards; never downwards.

RT " @factsionary We only use about 10% of our brains." Experts at Manchester University may disagree:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owWxYJ7Bu14 … @periodicvideos

"It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are: If it disagrees with experiment, it's wrong." ~Feynman

Helicopters suck.

Needed a glass of wine so much that I almost ripped the cork out with my teeth.

@bolshybumblebee Once had it suggested to me that even *illegal* immigrants can come here & lawfully claim benefits. (Like, HOW?!) Madness;)

Surprised not to see potential dark matter candidate #IDS polluting my TV screen with his potato-like presence this morning.

E=mc² is wrong? Nope: just not a unique solution! @profmike_m @profedcopeland & Roger Bowley explain: http://t.co/zxEacR5t HT @sixtysymbols

@cool_jesse In my #UN proposed hexadecimal global currency system, 16 nickels = 1 pickle, with 16 pickles to the Royal Gronk (RG)

Anybody know how I can get this goose out of my OJ?

I see that Mr Murdoch has unleashed the "Sun on Sunday" today. That's a fucking oxymoron- has the guy seen the weather forecast over here?