Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
It's Tupac Saturday at my house.
That means you best be stepping correct fool.
By step correct I mean wipe your feet, I just vacuumed.
Filling out forms today. For birthplace I was tempted to put "my Mom's vagina".
I am mature like that.
Dear General Mills,
Wait, did mayonnaise die today?
When will the madness stop?
5 stages of FAVRD grief:
Setting my Out of Office reply to "Cool Story Bro."
Whoever had Ed, Farrah, Michael and Billy in the same week just won the Intergalactic Celebrity Death Pool.
I put the hung in hungover.
Ironic moment of the day: my dog stepped in dogshit.
We've replaced Stuart's liver with this bar towel soaked in alcohol. Let's see if he notices.
Client's wife who called with Porn popups on her computer: How can I prevent this?
Us: Um, fuck your husband?
If you have Parkinsons I bet that iPhone 'shake to undo' feature is a real bitch.
Staying in the car until this Metallica song ends. There might be some air guitar going on. Maybe.
I like to think my midsummer farmers tan says 'successful entrepreneur' more than it says 'computer nerd who lives in a cave'.
When life hands you lemons, I find it helps to make dick jokes.
Washed the dog. Now, instead of smelling like urine, she smells like Lavendar Mist urine.
MORE LIKE 11% UNEMPLOYMENT DAY, RITE?
I just blew my nose so productively I'm looking at the kleenex in disbelief/admiration.
At a bar late on a Sunday. It's OK because I'm not going to drink.
More than 5 or 6 beers.
I get upset when I have a stuffy nose, I couldn't imagine being pregnant.