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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Gift @SubliminalMess Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 407
    • LIKES
    GreenScoundrelSudiseSusanndiquoteYourAnMoronsiddo471buckweiser13CaCarriec1976GalacticSwaggot
    • 243
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    ratamack__
  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Light a guy's truck on fire one fucking time, and suddenly you're "unstable".

    • 320
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    fgboofCarlaCapone2969kayleighpugetYeahDrewisOnartcincoMaMikeamoJohnBechardsouthernFLbelle
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    I wish The Bachelor was more like The Hunger Games & the girls had to kill each other to find love. I'd probably watch a season or 2 of that

    • 245
    • LIKES
    Jenn_H_ScottfgboofKatPowwYeahDrewisOnbighandsmassuerbrennansmotherlasergirl70woodlandfaerie7
    • 137
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    Liberty_Junkie
  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    I hate when I accidentally say "thank you" instead of "I hate your stupid face".

    • 192
    • LIKES
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    A good friend just got engaged by means of a flash mob that he set up. Equally impressive, I ate an entire box of cereal w/ my hands tonight

    • 200
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    fgboofCarlaCapone2969YeahDrewisOnJohnBechardbighandsmassuershannon2703ruraljulesKThonvold
    • 83
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Do you think thin mints are naturally thin? I bet they can eat whatever they want and never even have to work out. Bitches.

    • 150
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    • 74
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Helping a friend w/ her online dating profile. Just spun "unemployed & spends most of the day watching Judge Judy" into "Well versed in law"

    • 86
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    I have NOTHING to wear! *me, right before a massive breakdown laying shirtless on my bedroom floor surrounded by clothes.

    • 83
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Anyone know if you can die of chapped lips?

    • 80
    • LIKES
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    • 31
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Hey, if you don't want me to call you a fucktard...Maybe. Don't. Be one.

    • 73
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Why is life so hard? And why are these brownies so good? A memoir.

    • 65
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    Jenn_H_Scottfgboofmelgaboredohpeetiebighandsmassuershannon2703ruraljulesKThonvold
    • 27
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Yeah, that's right. I look pretty good considering I keep a Big Mac in my purse as an emergency snack almost daily.

    • 64
    • LIKES
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    If you tell me "it could always be worse", I will immediately bash you in the face with my 9-iron just to prove you right.

    • 52
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Pro tip: Never eat pie while standing up, or else everyone in the restaurant will notice that you're crying.

    • 56
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Why is "hand-picked" a selling point for fruit? People are gross. That dude probably peed & didn't wash his hands but hey, enjoy that pear!

    • 47
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  • SubliminalMess
    • 46
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Am I an ass for being honest, or is honesty such a foreign object to ppl that they are incapable of handling it? Either way, yes u look fat.

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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Why yes autocorrect, I DID want to ask my boss if he "helped his daughter get ready for her porn" after all! Thanks for the help.

    • 45
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    fgboofbighandsmassuerFord414jumpdasharkpradogodnovicefatherhistwaddleCarolBlodgett
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Be a gentleman, and treat me with respect. Or don't, and fuck off. Thems the options.

    • 32
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  • SubliminalMess
      MillyMo @SubliminalMess

    Whatever. Your marriage shouldn't even count if your wedding vows didn't include the words "if i can't have you, no one can".

    • 35
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    Ford414novicefathererindolliehirojesus17duecemrjohntofuMr_LandsharkVarun4_
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    Michael_Maybe
@SubliminalMess

@SubliminalMess

I'm that girl who interrupts people telling personal tales of triumph over adversity in order to ask if they have any gum.

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