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  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    But what if I wanna go big AND go home?

    • 297
    • FAVS
    zami_singsonFoolSpeakUntouchableShepatricphdisapesqapizzaItsSharliemrjohntofuTheLoinRanger
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    zami_singsonAlliBodekpatricphdmrjohntofunerdysongbird__OhYeahILiednovicefatherLicramX
    ratamack
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Light a guy's truck on fire one fucking time, and suddenly you're "unstable".

    • 198
    • FAVS
    17duecepatricphdC_Hart4404phuxachehoodiehiderDaddyJewmrjohntofustrangehaze
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    mrjohntofustrangehazenerdysongbird__tataaron81DmariaB29DionneMcNutt4crps8kMILFDiane
    wesjohnson8
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    I wish The Bachelor was more like The Hunger Games & the girls had to kill each other to find love. I'd probably watch a season or 2 of that

    • 173
    • FAVS
    BigRod1966traley88nerdysongbird__OhYeahILiedsmithhymatDionneMcNuttdaniel_shawThatsMyBush
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    BigRod1966traley88nerdysongbird__OhYeahILiedsmithhymatDionneMcNuttrickolanternkennedyrp_
    Liberty_Junkie
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    A good friend just got engaged by means of a flash mob that he set up. Equally impressive, I ate an entire box of cereal w/ my hands tonight

    • 156
    • FAVS
    UntouchableShemrjohntofunerdysongbird__OhYeahILiedRobRabbMusicDagFizzSmug_LemurNyAdas
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    zami_singsonallyxcat22mrjohntofunerdysongbird__BLABLAWHATEVAHTySmithdrumspradogodAGreaterMonster__
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    I hate when I accidentally say "thank you" instead of "I hate your stupid face".

    • 119
    • FAVS
    uh_like_iDunnostrangeHelenapatricphdblumpyblumpkinmrjohntofunovicefatherstrangehazeDadaFett17
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    strangeHelenamrjohntofunerdysongbird__RobRabbMusicpradogodHollyEH1985TweetsByTheTonyMr_Landshark
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Huh. So it turns out that when a guy asks for a pic, he wants to see your boobs, not some other guy's penis. Online dating is hard.

    • 124
    • FAVS
    17duecestrangeHelenapatricphdCourtneyZxoxoDigHerUpitsjenwbitchesFoolSpeakmrjohntofu
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    itsjenwbitchesmrjohntofuTlaxBoy05Lips_Eleven__MedicatedMarknewstart43saint_my_footJesKeepSwimming
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Do you think thin mints are naturally thin? I bet they can eat whatever they want and never even have to work out. Bitches.

    • 112
    • FAVS
    MPSeanSallyBeckett75nerdysongbird__OhYeahILiedRobRabbMusicDagFizzdaniel_shawpradogod
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    nerdysongbird__OhYeahILiedpradogodkeeprealbitchpinningnutMedicatedMarkTlaxBoy05freerogue87
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Pull your shirt back down super skinny guys with 6-pack abs. I'm about as impressed with that as u are with big tits on fat chicks.

    • 86
    • FAVS
    zachillinANDREYEVSKYNinja_Soup_MissJenFerToxicProbablyJohnBechardnovicefatherplumbur
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    LackOfShameplumburlogan1586nerdysongbird__OhYeahILiedTlaxBoy05MaryMcAdams2helluvannette
    OhYeahILiedSouthernboy_420
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Helping a friend w/ her online dating profile. Just spun "unemployed & spends most of the day watching Judge Judy" into "Well versed in law"

    • 65
    • FAVS
    nerdysongbird__novicefatherdaniel_shawISOremarkableCannabisWTFTlaxBoy05Mr_LandsharkLips_Eleven__
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    catbert911nerdysongbird__CannabisWTFSaveItForFestTlaxBoy05Mr_LandsharkShansMasalaMedicatedMark
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    I have NOTHING to wear! *me, right before a massive breakdown laying shirtless on my bedroom floor surrounded by clothes.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    Keren_Amerleymcibtynerdysongbird__daniel_shawISOremarkablegreen_eyed_dollTlaxBoy05delmolition
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    mcibtynerdysongbird__TlaxBoy05breely216Mr_Landsharkfreerogue87caseytduncanPeachesNPork
  • SubliminalMess
    • 42
    • FAVS
    Varun_4_freerogue87ratamackOaalfaroAlfaroRPatz257TigerScott88bcougarjDan_Nemeth
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    DianaLatimerRN_Beach_Combingdunnchandler__greg_veeHaveWitgeezieyooAnnieSageasiananomaly
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Hey, if you don't want me to call you a fucktard...Maybe. Don't. Be one.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    mcibtyjenndaly83nerdysongbird__daniel_shawMr_LandsharkVarun_4_Restenfieldfreerogue87
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    nerdysongbird__RobRabbMusicRestenfieldfreerogue870827NURSHUHADAtherealdopelineShuheylPhoebetate__
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Anyone know if you can die of chapped lips?

    • 50
    • FAVS
    mcibtypunkwrecknerdysongbird__daniel_shawISOremarkablekomiskaMr_LandsharkVarun_4_
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    nerdysongbird__Mr_Landsharkfreerogue87YYZJJcaseytduncanPhoebetate__lns0mnlakcydnizoi
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Yeah, that's right. I look pretty good considering I keep a Big Mac in my purse as an emergency snack almost daily.

    • 47
    • FAVS
    17duecepatricphdstellarjulez808Majorzdeadmrjohntofumcibtypunkwrecknerdysongbird__
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    willowfrantnmrjohntofunerdysongbird__daniel_shawbreely216Mr_Landsharkfreerogue87Phoebetate__
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    If you tell me "it could always be worse", I will immediately bash you in the face with my 9-iron just to prove you right.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    mcibtyTimYeomannerdysongbird__daniel_shawsuzieQ0007breely216Mr_LandsharkVarun_4_
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    TimYeomannerdysongbird__breely216Mr_Landsharkfreerogue87nelron15slhowlmoose_chocolate
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Pro tip: Never eat pie while standing up, or else everyone in the restaurant will notice that you're crying.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    bees_wingzclearjadeEddieMcSugarnutBJiggDadandBuriednovicefathermcibtynerdysongbird__
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    MumRevisedMiTRaptorDadandBuriednovicefathernerdysongbird___definitlymaybejustincresswellcastabignet
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Am I an ass for being honest, or is honesty such a foreign object to ppl that they are incapable of handling it? Either way, yes u look fat.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    nerdysongbird__daniel_shawMr_LandsharkVarun_4_freerogue87caseytduncanLackOfShameRobRabbMusic
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    nerdysongbird__Mr_Landsharkfreerogue87caseytduncanTimHaynesJrPhoebetate__MalliesDeezSteevUmc
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Why yes autocorrect, I DID want to ask my boss if he "helped his daughter get ready for her porn" after all! Thanks for the help.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    mcibtytheDanLawlernerdysongbird__daniel_shawMr_LandsharkVarun_4_freerogue87catcerveny
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    nerdysongbird__freerogue87laylabarbie1400catcervenyeanishakmoose_chocolatecaseytduncanCrashTestDrummy
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Why is life so hard? And why are these brownies so good? A memoir.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    Keren_AmerleyRohrbaughShawnmcibtytheDanLawlernerdysongbird__daniel_shawsuzieQ0007breely216
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    mcibtynerdysongbird__xKidShadowbreely216Mr_Landsharkfreerogue87LoraHeloucaseytduncan
  • SubliminalMess
      Mindy @SubliminalMess

    Be a gentleman, and treat me with respect. Or don't, and fuck off. Thems the options.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    traley88nerdysongbird__daniel_shawMr_LandsharkVarun_4_freerogue87caseytduncanRobRabbMusic
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    nerdysongbird__freerogue87spitfirechef8caseytduncanPhoebetate__ClassyHooliganCrashTestDrummyTheBluntRedhead
@SubliminalMess

@SubliminalMess

I'm that girl who interrupts people telling personal tales of triumph over adversity in order to ask if they have any gum.