I'm so tired of waking up wishing I could take a nap.

Pretty sure burning man started out as an STD

Follow these people to make your TL more interesting @artymech @itswrigley @shaztaberry @ticknada @burntmybagel @monaliesasmile @jokesplace

Muwaah!!

Want the best experience out of #Twitter then #FF @iamjuddy @shadygeekdad @dzinedmind @steelers1972 @fannyb1tch @roguegod @shnapolitano

Was on my way to @sjnapolitano 's for some hot zombie sex, but I tripped over @roguegod 's ego wrapped dick, now @barberecutz32 has twerpies

@itswrigley think it's shat, but shitted sound funnier, but not near as funny as the word sharted

How do u "fix" a relationship of nearly a decade of u slowly loosin who u are 2 please the other person? How do u keep from loosin all of u?

All these guys tweeting about all the vaginas they fucked are virgins, non-virgins say pussy.

S/O if ur still up = I'm to fucking lazy to scroll

Keep sparing my dms and I'll murder ur mom

@sjnapolitano That sounds about right lol

@bwithbacon lmfao I love your humor

@sjnapolitano @roguegod @barberecutz32 haha thanx :P

@zombieionism omg u killed an EWok lol

@beaterbaja haha eww

I was gonna clean my house, but then........Twitter

S/O to anyone who has ever been ran over by a parked car.

I think if it's legal for old people to drive slow as hell with their blinker on, it should be legal for me to run them the fuck over!

Lmao thanks to Twitter and @zzthejimzz my son now thinks I was laughing at him for spilling his drink.