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STOP PUTTING SIRENS IN SONGS WHEN IM DRIVING
Australia is the only place you tell someone to 'get fucked' as a question.
'Oi! Won a million bucks!'
I have no idea what to do when women cry.
But one arm handstands is not it.
The shortest love story ever written:
Rubtweet - tweets about handjobs
I don't even know who let me in here
Your cleavage doesn't work on me lady.
Unless its booty cleavage, here's my credit card and house
If you're a female geek and don't call it your 'In-box' then wtf.
The thing missing from most conversations is intellect and someone listening.
The gap between meals makes me uncomfortable
What kind of devil magic does it take to tear off cling wrap in a straight line
If sex is a weapon, I'm a butter knife
I got love for you if you drink whiskey
Whatever, I don't get paid for this
If you have never been in love, try coffee
Girl are you a speed limit because I'm completely ignoring you
Rage against the empty coffee machine
sweet bacne bro, do you even exfoliate?
More people should be obsessed with exercise
The only part of Christmas I understand is the alcohol in the custard, also passing out under the coffee table
They might as well not put Push/Pull on doors, I get it wrong every fucking time anyway