Eat shit and live! - dung beetles

Don't you love being the last one to find out but the first one to not give a fuck

I’d be the fattest wizard ever because of hamburger related spells

This guy just started following me... pretty sure he's not on Twitter either

Your spider web elbow tatts go really well with your no job

This idiot followed then unfollowed before I even had the chance to tweet some stupid nonsense and give them the proper reason to do it.

If Im ever dragged into a basement by a clown, I hope the topic of conversation isnt geared towards what clowns like to eat for their dinner

I AM NOT YELLING. I JUST BOUGHT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND THERE’S NO CAPS LOCK BUTTON ONLY A CATS LOCK BUTTON BUT I’M TOO SCARED TO PRESS IT

Teach a man to hunt & he will be stuck in the wrong joke format then he will probably die because you can't catch a bear with a fishing pole

This guy always tells his wife he loves her at the end of their phone calls. I hope she can hear me throwing up my intestines as he hangs up

If you follow someone who is following 666 people, just know that they won't be following you back. I don't make the rules.

<-------------- I'm with stuped

Anyone ever seen a movie theatre employee making popcorn? The shit's just always there being spewed out of the popcorn monsters butthole

My stomach is making noises that sound like I just ate Andre The Giant and his stomach is making noises because he just ate a Pizza Hut

tHIS iS wHAT iT mUST fEEL liKE tO hAVE a jESUS fISH sTICKER oN tHE bACK oF yOUR cAR

My credit card bill is at least 75% hot dogs

Let's just take this slowly and see where it goes after that - me to my new beard

When it comes to the game of going to a public toilet don't hate the player or the game, just hate what that fat guy had for lunch yesterday

The words genital & warts together sounds so gross that even those words must have their own kind of genital warts.

Shartacus - the mythological Greek God of the follow through