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"I'll do it for you because you're not very smart."
-Actual thing I just said to a man I think is cute.
I am why I can't have nice things.
Just found out that if you say gullible REALLY SLOWLY, it sounds like oranges.
I love people who say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. They never ask for one of your fries.
The police came to my house earlier & said my dog had chased someone on a bike! I said 'don't be silly, my dog hasn't got a bike!'
The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.