If I wanted to use a corkscrew, I wouldn't have bought my wine at the gas station.

Boise tweeps, please keep looking for Sandy, the sweetest dog ever! http://twitpic.com/5jj5xd

Idaho's first official suicide hotline will open in mid-November. Volunteers needed! http://t.co/cZEOOtuk

Your = possessive of "you": (Your cat is cute). You're = contraction of "you are": (You're cute). PLEASE FIGURE THIS OUT BEFORE YOU DIE.

Now you understand my strategy. RT @lovelyinthe804: I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

Whoever promises hoverboards by the Back to the Future deadline will win the election.

Does anyone know a mental health professional in Korea who speaks fluent English? Pls RT.

First black president? Two term president! Fuck yeah, America!

Probably my favorite tweet I've ever tweeted:  http://twitpic.com/bb0b87 

@mikeypullman QUIT MAKING ME READ TWEETS WHILE I’M ON TWITTER YOU DICK

Vagina.

Please take a look and see if you can help this family! http://t.co/iKdO5U3R #Care2Share

Me: "My left foot hurts in a weird way." @ioncontrol: "Like if it was covered in peanut butter and something was nibbling on it?"

Quentin Tarantino knows how to make a movie, in case you weren't aware.

Wait. Which one? http://twitpic.com/5ftjq0

Wow it sure does! RT @sexcigarsbooze: Hotel door sign implies: “Privacy please, I’m looking at porn” » http://twitpic.com/3p98r8

When members of Westboro Baptist Church die, do the surviving church members plan a funeral, or skip right to the picket line to save time?

Thinking abt AZ's tragedy & the huge cuts to mental health services our ID Legislature is expected to make this session.

Worth a shot: my car is broken & it'll take me awhile to afford to fix it. Anyone have a spare car they want to loan me?

Is it the thing now for spam accounts to just go around faving tweets?