A heavy sky over northern Wales http://t.co/Ogvnfs6X

From b3ta. About ten million years ago. http://t.co/jYxl5fmc

@prison_wine I feel your pain. I particularly enjoy when they hang their arse over the edge of the tray rather than *in* it!

Was walking through the park earlier and this guy asked me if I fancied some bumfun.
Within ten minutes, we had murdered our first tramp.

I imagine the sun is shining on post-apocalyptic Blackpool http://t.co/tf9diOJf

Nelson Mandela is in hospital. Sting, U2, Annie Lennox and Peter Gabriel have been placed on full alert.

Walkers is the Greggs of crisps, Greggs is the MacDonalds of bakeries and MacDonalds is the Auschwitz of restaurants.

@a_moo_moo_ @tinytwinks I have permanently employed people subsequent to a workfare-type scheme whom I o/wise wouldnt have taken a chance on

@stepheniley I used to have a cuntstomer who travelled an extra two miles to my shop to save 15p on a packet of fags.

#dear14yroldself Get out of bed! Bring that washing down! Tidy your room! Do your homework! Go to church! Are you on drugs? You're grounded!

Advice to Pornbots: LEARN HOW TO SPELL ORGY. That is all.

I had completely forgotten there was a command in BASIC called 'Peek'. Thanks, Aphex Twin.

@imaliwaller @tracy_marq There is no fart

@fiserablemucker Tony Scott has to travel in disguise to avoid being recognised for his brother's work.