I fear you are just putting me on a pedestal just so you can look up my skirt.

It's amazing how many people want to live forever, but don't know what to do with themselves if the Internet is down for an hour.

In an unfortunate turn of events, the old guy on the treadmill is somehow making it clap. And I can’t pinpoint what “it” is.

It’s not wasted time if you thoroughly enjoyed the wasting.

Learn to love yourself and you'll possess the only guaranteed life-long love affair.

Can’t home be a person and not a place?

Obviously my mind isn't twisted. But is has been badly sprained several times.

It’s amazing that humans can be so bad at love when it's all we ever want.

Some of my best conversations happen when I talk amongst myself.

I look forward to getting to unknow you.

Habitat for Insanity.

It seems I’ve left my rib-cage unlocked again. Contents stolen.

Party last night... Today I look like E.T. when Drew Barrymore put that wig on him.

I hate how love just barges in right when you're in the middle of something else. Doesn't even knock...

Wanted: This woman’s dignity. Last seen laying face down in a gutter clutching an empty bottle of tequila.

Sometimes my brain is just too "thinky".

I find you to be completely resistible.

I love it when I find someone I didn’t even know I was searching for.

Anything so cracked can shatter at the slightest touch.

Female eyes need candy too, after all.