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Maybelline makes eyelashes appear 4times longer.
Maybelline should make condoms.
I love finding new people to star fuck...makes me feel like a whore!!!
As a father of two...If my wife killed one of my children she wouldn't make it to trial!
How is a woman like a hardwood floor? If you lay her right the first time you can walk all over her for the rest of your life.
Sooo, what happens if you finally get a funny tweet?
If only I had a bacon flavored cock...
All these lovely ladies on twitter who can't get laid...I call bullshit:/
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.
Who the fuck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
I am on fire...7 people starred my best tweet!
In related news--I suck at writing tweets:(
For $150 a night you would think this room came with a Blowjob...at least:(
Why do I love Twitter, you ask?...all the sexy ladies, and some of the guys are funny too!
❒Single ❒Taken shackled and chained for 20 years:)
What is the big deal with the #RoyalWedding ? hasn't anyone seen people get married before?
I didn't have a leg fetish...until twitter!
Is a pity follow like a pity fuck? Great for only one of us?
Oh twitter! How I love thee...why won't you love me back?!
It sucks to be in the middle of nowhere with no Internet! When I have it I roam twitter like a whore lookin to score! Lol
Thankfully I know that 99 percent of the women I interact with are way to crazy for me:) they are fun to watch though
SHIT...I thought it was Friday. Dammit:(