@T_Gibby's (mindyourdamnbusiness) most faved Tweets...
Calling them ass-less chaps is redundant. All chaps are ass-less. That's what makes them chaps, their ass-lessness.
Ass.
Ass.
Not surprisingly, the "no YOU sleep on the wet-spot" argument doesn't take as long when you're alone.
P.S. I lost.
P.S. I lost.
Some people just don't realise the only reason they're still alive is because I know how to use a bong.
He scared the dog, so the dog pee'd on him. If I had thought of that years ago I might be leading a very different life right now.
It feels like a fat woman has taken up residence in my sinuses so I'm trying to lure her out with cookies.
He asked me if liking having a finger in his ass made him gay. I told him gay is an attraction not an activity.
But yeah that's pretty gay
But yeah that's pretty gay
If I am ever abducted by aliens, they will think that we all spontaneously break into song and dance and it will scare them. You're welcome.
My sister is telling her 20 yo daughter that nothing good happens after the third drink.
Please god don't let me be called as a witness.
Please god don't let me be called as a witness.
Today Americans will indulge in an orgy of gluttony, indulgence and excess.
Just like any Thursday except we don't go to work.
Just like any Thursday except we don't go to work.
My 10 YO niece, emerging from my bedroom, AKA the forbidden zone, holds up a porn DVD and asks what kind of music "Sausage Factory" plays.
Holidays aren't fun if you don't own any kids to spread the whole Santa lie to. It must be a scream setting them up for years and them BAM!
I'm considering giving up all personal hygiene practices as a way of keeping people at a comfortable distance.
I don't see the problem with texting while driving. As long as you focus on the text, there wont be any more typo's than usual.
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