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I never worry too much about what I'm wearing when I go out to walk the dog... nobody is very sexy carting around a plastic bag of shit
my heart is so heavy right now... I will not rest easy until I get a hug from my son tonight
Doing Jager shots all by myself... Pretty sure I'm gonna get lucky, but glad I'm up on my cardio!!
All these folks complaining about exes/spouses. Send 'em my way. Im not too proud 4leftovers. Unless they're ugly or have open sores...
Yum. Someone bought apple cinnamon air freshener for the office bathroom! Smells like a fresly baked turd spice pie in there.How delightful!
There's a study out: virus from oral sex has surpassed cig smoking 4 top cause of throat cancer. At least I don't pay $9/pk for cock.
I just added a "Sack of Schwety balls" to my x-mas list. I hope Santa is listening!
This car seat heater enhances my farts quite magnificently!
Girl drink (Moscato) drunk (buzzed) with my seesters. <3
Mom, Nurse, Rollergirl... The COMPLETE PACKAGE! I'll frigin' kick your ass, bandage you up, get you drunk and bake you cookies!