I never worry too much about what I'm wearing when I go out to walk the dog... nobody is very sexy carting around a plastic bag of shit

Doing Jager shots all by myself... Pretty sure I'm gonna get lucky, but glad I'm up on my cardio!!

Hey Jacksonville, go see @tomgreenlive while he's here at the Comedy Zone! The show was great last night!!

All these folks complaining about exes/spouses. Send 'em my way. Im not too proud 4leftovers. Unless they're ugly or have open sores...

Mmmm.. Sounds perfectly yummy! "@nativesunjax: A cloudy day calls for a 3 Cheese Grilled Cheese & a Cup of Soup...Just $4.99 every Friday!"

"@acomictragedy: @clarkekant REALLY? My GOD.. what am I doing wrong?". Um... Yeah, I need that manual, too...

Yum. Someone bought apple cinnamon air freshener for the office bathroom! Smells like a fresly baked turd spice pie in there.How delightful!

@sgtbuttcheeks @amywithlemon Haha... Yes I checked both!! ---> @tackle BoXXX is a suckerrrrr!

There's a study out: virus from oral sex has surpassed cig smoking 4 top cause of throat cancer. At least I don't pay $9/pk for cock.

I just added a "Sack of Schwety balls" to my x-mas list. I hope Santa is listening!

@chopper4jk A-hem!! :::cough cough:::

@nativesunjax yum-o! Thanks to the Mandarin location for that fabulous Hannah Park!!!

"@_partysmasher: When do they breakdance fight? #debates" Yeah, DANCE OFF!!!

Oh Mitt... Quit making this shit up about how much you love women and the middle class!!! #Mittlies

@_partysmasher do you consider 40 old? No plans tonight...

Hey thee Jacksonville! Big wreck on 95N & JTB and a homicide downtown. Gosh I love the smell of death and despair in the morning!!

"@bouncingblonde: I'm not NOT going to drink this whole bottle of red" but Imma gonna drank this whole bottle of white!!

Come out and support @duuuval at the Baymeadows location of Adamec Harley-Davidson!! http://t.co/Hwg6BlSW

@trialfemme damn, didn't think it was possible, but you just made me feel a little better about MY night... Thanks?

"@trialfemme: Don't mistake my tender heart for weakness. I will fuck you up in a heartbeat and not look back.". Yessssss!