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I have a new inspiration. I'm going to create two new accounts. One where I pretend to be a chick and one that posts all the DMs I get.
Why is everyone getting circumcised for Bieber?
My bread had 15 grains, y'all.
Nicholas Brendon and Bruce Campbell will both be in Louisville at the end of the month. I can finally prove they are father and son.
Strawberry Shart Cake
Koalas have syphilis. I really don't think I need to add anything else to that.
Have no fears. The tremors are just Jefferson County rising into the air and floating northwest.
ONE DAY I WILL LEARN TO PEOPLE PROPERLY
Just used my phone as a periscope to look out my bathroom window. Proper use of technology.
I kinda want to punch a hole in the wall. Also, I said a curse word out loud. Out loud, you guys, out loud.
I used the word totes and not referencing storage boxes. Totes kill me.
The Dick Clark enforced non-violence pact between Carson Daly and Ryan Seacrest is now over. There can be only one.
When will people learn to just ignore the Westboro Baptist Church and let them become just background noise? DONT FEED THE TROLLS.
My front facing camera is really just a checking for food in my beard device.