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you're telling me a chicken fried this rice?
I'm just glad this job application never asked "are you good at working"
Neptune, more like inept-une, cant even support life
scientists looking for water on mars: i have some in my kitchen
inspirational tweet: its ok to lay in bed forever
first person to look in a kangaroo pouch and see another kangaroo must have been pretty happy
Nobody ever cares about the third pea in the pod
price check on aisle 3. yes, i'd like to buy aisle 3 please
what am i supposed to do with a space heater? i'm not an astronaut
"I got 99 problems and 1 working leg" -very sad centipede
i'm the poster child of having parents made of paper
stop making me sad, things.
i dont want to be sad so what are some synonyms
I thought I had tons of angels watching over me every day until I learned what birds are
what does meow even mean?
this annoying whale keeps asking me if i hallucinate. yes a lot.
See a mushroom in the forest? Eat it to figure out what it is.
poison control? yeah which one tastes best
starfish give the best high 5s. they really put everything into it.
thats enough emails boss, working from home means "drinking"