you're telling me a chicken fried this rice?

I'm just glad this job application never asked "are you good at working"

Neptune, more like inept-une, cant even support life

scientists looking for water on mars: i have some in my kitchen

inspirational tweet: its ok to lay in bed forever

first person to look in a kangaroo pouch and see another kangaroo must have been pretty happy

Nobody ever cares about the third pea in the pod

price check on aisle 3. yes, i'd like to buy aisle 3 please

what am i supposed to do with a space heater? i'm not an astronaut

"I got 99 problems and 1 working leg" -very sad centipede

i'm the poster child of having parents made of paper

stop making me sad, things.

i dont want to be sad so what are some synonyms

I thought I had tons of angels watching over me every day until I learned what birds are

what does meow even mean?

this annoying whale keeps asking me if i hallucinate. yes a lot.

See a mushroom in the forest? Eat it to figure out what it is.

poison control? yeah which one tastes best

starfish give the best high 5s. they really put everything into it.

thats enough emails boss, working from home means "drinking"