@TanuTuva's (Sedentary By Nurture) most faved Tweets...
When I was little, I never dreamt of meeting my Prince Charming. My sights were set on Count Chocula.
Is Twitter fucked up again? My tweets are losing at least 50% of their humor once they've been published.
I was just sitting quietly in front of the computer & my bra spontaneously unsnapped. Are you guys practicing psychokinesis again?
I wish my voice were like Selma's in The Simpsons. Ravaged by ciggarettes & booze. It would better match my evolving "old broad" persona.
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I'd never have sex with a vampire; I just know I'd be the one stuck trying to get the bloodstains out of the sheets.
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I bit him once. "Ouch!" said he. Then I quickly bit him a second time - successfully debunking another aphorism.
"Twice shy" my ass.
"Twice shy" my ass.
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He'd inappropriately exclaim "dang it," "jeepers creepers," & "why heck." It was a mild form of Tourette's Syndrome.
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This is a first—a *knitting* bot started following me.
Am I not hot enough to attract porn bots anymore?
Am I not hot enough to attract porn bots anymore?
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Stopped for a group of daycare kids tethered to one another to cross the street.
So I guess child chain gangs are a thing?
So I guess child chain gangs are a thing?
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Has this conference room received a fresh coat of lead paint? Something is amiss, because you all are sounding unusually reasonable.
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Saw a reflection in store window & thought "thank god I don't look like her." A second later, amended to "god needs a good ass kicking."
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Latest in trendy office jargon: "read and cascade as appropriate." Pardon my vomit cascading (as appropriate) on your power tie.
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Sign reads: "Pet waste transmits disease. Please clean up after your pet." Fat chance of that! I sure as shit don't want to catch anything.
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Unless someone gives upper management some clear direction, I don’t see any of them taking that Leadership course.
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I'd never have sex with a little person - because I'm a hetero female.
Look, do I need to draw you a picture, ham for brains?
Look, do I need to draw you a picture, ham for brains?
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