@thenatekelly Lame jokes are the best.Here's one:Two antennas got married,the wedding wasn't much but the reception was great! #lamebutfunny

"@frankstalicious: I'd like to stick my dick in a jar of Ragú and make it Prego." I love lame jokes

I told my brother all about Twitter last night. He may come to join the party.

The open, lonely bed is always where those stupid emotions kick in. Lame vagina.

My birthday is in 9 days. I want money, free tattoos, booze and hot sex. First come, first serve.

"@gneicco: When comforting someone who is illiterate, I always say softly, "There, their, they're."Me 1, illiterate person, 0." @mdntagntraw

@drunxican wow. That doesn't happen often. I'm marking my calendar!

@drunxican those motherfuckin snakes

@pierre__4 the one about liking your girls like you like your bladder. :-) Idk...it caught me off guard at lunch.

@pierre__4 I feel like I should tell you, one of your tweets made me laugh so hard earlier I spit water on someone. Thanks for that.

@themeanscene Louisiana runs a close second

@marcusthetoken sorry. my bad.

"@xstrology: #Taurus can make you smile when nobody else can." <--damn right bitches :-)

Last night: Got drunk. Got two lap dances. Laughed a lot. Bruised my ass. Got kissed. :-) I'm satisfied.

My fingers are asian!!!!!!

Chips, salsa and margaritas

I'm in the process of a massage, pedicure, manicure and waxing. Life is good.

I have a headache every single day. It never fails. Beyond ridiculous.

I'm going to fall asleep. Staring at spreadsheets all day makes for a boring ass time.

@chopper4jk haha. That's awfully convenient. In that case...I guess I just need a new best friend.