You're such a bitch I bet you watched Cruel Intentions and felt sorry for Kathryn at the end

I will fully admit serial killers absolutely fascinate me. I can research them for hours.

I think I knew our friendship was doomed when you told me you liked Twilight and you weren't kidding.

I always mean everything I say. Except when I'm lying to get out of something.

Good half: I'll get my Facebook back once I'm in top physical shape. Bad half: But then you'll never get it back. (Insert cackle)

Who you tryna get crazy wit, ese? DON'T YOU KNOW I'M LOCO?

Persian girls need to ease off the makeup. You all look like trannies. Nobody needs that much eyeshadow to go to the grocery store.

Things I like: Warm clothes from the dryer, salted caramel, spending too much $$$ on clothes, and laying in bed when I have stuff to do.

If you want hipster cred, become an actress who gains notoriety from losing her shit. IE., Britney, Lindsay, Amanda, etc.

My sexuality is like this huge, overbearing pet that follows me around everywhere and I consistently deny owning.

Music tastes better when you haven't been eating.

The squeaky clean/accomplished feeling of having newly updated social networking websites.

My first paid writing assignment. I'm choking up a bit.  http://www.laloyolan.com/arts_and_entertainment/culture/midrashic-mirrors-fuses-religion-and-art/article_767e6db6-9f04-11e2-a43c-0019bb30f31a.html#.UWTqr1-1wqw.twitter … via @la_loyolan

If anyone needs me, I'm going to be knee-deep in ice cream and thinking about the beauty of loneliness. They both kind of taste the same.

@xxsusgirlxx RIP little guy </3

I just want four walls and adobe slats for my girls.

Some guy I gave my number to out of sheer politeness MONTHS AGO just texted me now trying to hang out. Seriously? What is his life?

Can I be a feminist and still dislike the overwhelming majority of women I meet? #justkidding #kindof

It's not exactly scientific but I've found that girls who are obsessed with weddings tend to have severe psychological problems.

I was going to start out tonight with pho and The Twilight Zone, but I'm ending it with steak and Eternal Sunshine because plans change