Annoying fucktard

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of

The way you star me makes me want to swallow your TL

What's that? A cucumber is for eating? Shut up!

Afternoon naps are the best

I took my glasses to the toilet with me so I could tweet. God I'm so sexy.

So, after watching the confusion & revulsion on my Dads face after he read my tweets, we've decided it's better that I block him *waves* x

It's a good thing I can recognise when I'm being a douche. I should probably stop it when I make the realisation though...

Why is it called 'after dark' when it is really 'after light'??

I wish there was a button on the tv to turn up the intelligence

I'm sure I need stronger glasses because of twitter

I would gleefully inflict savage pain on you & not feel any remorse. This concerns me somewhat.

More love #FF @stardestructive @celticmoondance @slippersm @ponton1980 @anamore2011 @jolieesprit @williamader @antonia4craig

Watching Return of the Jedi, nothing more to add to that

People with pets; clean your house, it's fucking gross & not endearing in ANY way

Oh god I hate how spiteful I can be

No matter how big & bad you are, if a 2 year old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.

Yes, I realise I'm not exactly 'cool', & that's ok, you'll grow up some day too

People who tweet like you're texting; this is why no-one wants to follow you!!

Oh fuck I'm ranting again