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Walking around town sticking post-it notes to pregnant women's bumps saying 'Caution! May contain baby.'
Warning on bag of nuts says may contain nuts. Think we should apply this caution to everything. Gonna take to the streets with my pen.
I always need a plan Z.
I'm taken. Like taken taken. I'm Liam Neeson is about to walk into our life and fuck shit up any minute now taken.
Nobody's getting any work done today. Thatcher is still causing unemployment.
The way Roger Sterling shed not a tear for his mom but fell to pieces when his shoeblack died? Holy shit. I didn't realize I was a "type".
Shouting "put your hands in the air like you just don't care!" is a fun way to bring a party atmosphere to a bank robbery.
RIP Steve Jobbs
Fine. You're right, I'm wrong. Can we have sex now?
hey newlyweds, more sex, less mass facebooking your wedding pictures.
We can't all just get along because your parents raised an idiot.
The first two letters of 'iTunes' looks like a man bending over and getting sick.
I once lost my iPhone charger for seven hours so yes I know what it’s like to be Amish.
My butler says I live in a fantasy.
The only reason I don't care what people think is because I've convinced myself that most don't.
I'll shut up about how idiotic it is to celebrate St Patrick's in Beirut when the Irish start celebrating Eid Mar Maroun.
Work out your prison name! Take your height and weight and if neither of those numbers are huge, it’s ‘bitch’.
this is no democracy. you're just a follower, shut up.
I'm honestly baffled that I have yet to see a menu with Revenge listed under cold appetizers.