REMINDER FOR REPUBLICANS: Do not accept any government help today. YOU built that. YOU can clear the roads. YOU can restore power, not FEMA.

Everyone's a libertarian until their state is under 10 feet of water.

No matter who wins tonight, we're all impressed Fox News made it through 4 years of a black president without saying the N-word on the air.

Donald Trump is calling for revolution. Revolution. Can someone remind him what happens to rich loudmouths in a revolution?

#AreYouBetterOff than you were four years ago? If not, then we should try taking rights away from women and gays and see if that helps.

That awkward moment when Mitt suggests getting rid of FEMA on TV and then Hurricane Sandy hits the East Coast right before the election.

That awkward moment when Republicans spend a billion dollars and destroy the economy and the black guy wins anyway. #election2012

OK, Florida, why don't you start voting for 2016 now so you'll be done the same time as the rest of us.

Judging by these maps, Mitt Romney is really popular in parts of the country that are mostly empty. #election2012

That awkward moment when Paul Ryan blames Obama for the sequester and there's video of him asking for the sequester:  http://ow.ly/hV8Ub 

If we outlaw guns, criminals will still get them.

If we outlaw abortions, then no woman will ever have one.

It's just logic.

Mitt Romney's strategy:
1. Throw out a few numbers.
2. Say "leadership" in every sentence.
3. Give no detail.
4. Repeat #2.

That awkward moment when the NRA says violent video games are to blame and then release a shooting app for ages 4+:  http://ow.ly/gO007 

#YouMightBeARepublican if you worry about how Obama is hurting small businesses while you shop at Walmart: pic.twitter.com/V7lvQMyN

Republicans say it's raining; Democrats say it's sunny. Rather than go outside and see for themselves, the media reports the controversy.

It's too soon after Lincoln's assassination to be talking about gun control.

#RememberWhenBarackObama allowed 4 people to die in #Benghazi , the worst tragedy in Dick Cheney's lifetime?
pic.twitter.com/82uuRy2JXQ

Tough break, Mitt Romney! No one could've predicted that lying about everything would backfire.

Marco Rubio: "Government can't help us, except for the student loan I got, the Medicare my parents get, and some other stuff."
#SOTU

In case you missed its subtlety, the #RomneyRyan2012 slogan "America's Comeback Team" means "take America back from the black guy."