This note I wrote myself at 3am just says "pickles" and has a little drawing of a sail boat. What was I trying to tell myself?

Why do I develop crushes on literary characters? It's fucking weird.

I just cracked a hard boiled egg into this brownie mix. Way to go charlotte

Whenever I try to get my dog into his harness I whisper into his ear "shh, just go with it" i swear I'm not trying to rape him though

#askbazen i thought this said Azkaban. It doesn't but if you want I guess you could ask Bazen something

I think the only thing I'm going to miss about that job was that I only had to pay $1.50 for mashed potatoes

I'm going to start singing songs about myself to spiders too #jamesandthegiantpeach

I'm watching Terra Nova because I'm a little bit in love with Landon Liboiron and a lot in love with dinosaurs.

Whenever someone asked me if they could borrow lead for their pencil I'd say no because pencils use graphite. That's why I had no friends.

Some thing that looked like a mummy was just behind Black guy #LiveTweetingDevil

I named the homeless looking guy Jenkins, prude girl is annette and the black guy is now Ed #LiveTweetingDevil

Black guy is not your bro #LiveTweetingDevil

My dog just sneezed in my mouth. So I'm either a werewolf or I have rabies

I hate going through customs. What do they think I'm bringing into the country a fucking vile of the bubonic plague? It's just nutella

I can do that thing where you spit and then suck it back up. Who wants me? Don't all raise your hands at once

Zombie Apocalypse could totally happen. It's just a virus born cannibalism. This is why people don't talk to me

@marinarachael I saw this picture somewhere on tumblr and I thought of you. We should buy some and form a gang pic.twitter.com/akWD33EZ1U

When did this happen? pic.twitter.com/1iht2TQcBf

Some kid said my hair was dare. Apparently "dare" means cool to four year olds.

@soren_ltd I found something you might have missed when you wrote your etsy article pic.twitter.com/XaCv5Ehh