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They need an alarm that tases you when you go to hit snooze.
People keep thinking I'd make a great boyfriend. They forget my attention span is ~2 months, give or take.
What did I do when I pooped before I had a smart phone?
Wearing a pink tie and blasting to old school Dr Dre. Like a boss!
"You know when you bit your cheek while eating? That's what you going down on me feels like." <-- My GF
Sometimes when I'm having sex, I pretend I'm actually sledding in the snow and then have snowball fights with my man goo. It gets messy :(
"Your friend told me you only fuck me doggie-style so you can Tweet, is this true?" Times when I'm glad I ALWAYS have a candy bar with me.
I plan on getting laid with or without someone to celebrate. I'd prefer the first, but the second will do I guess.
Other than the weird taste, the caffeine gum was awesome. I'd wake up, chew a pack, go to work, and become aware of where I was at six.
I'm kind of stuck between responsible adult and crazy.
Twitter is usually filled with disasters and doom. But you know what? Today I had one of the funnest days in a very long time :)
- I pretty much know all the lyrics to the Alphabet song -