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You'd think with meth use being as rampant as it is in the south, more people would find the energy to take their Christmas lights down
If you work at GameStop there is a direct correlation between how good you are at your job and the likelihood you have a girlfriend.
At this point if Lindsay Lohan was a stripper she would be working the afternoon shift.
No matter how many times I say "Shh" I can't get a girl to stop screaming in excitement when I give her a surprise hug in the parking garage
Something about sitting in the drive-thru of McDonald's that makes you wonder where you went wrong in life.
My girlfriend took out a life insurance policy on me so in response I did the same for her. It's just a waiting game now.
My cat was on the couch licking his balls and paused to give me a look that said "jealous?". I was... I've always wanted to lick his balls
When alone on an elevator with a girl I maintain constant eye contact whispering "Its gonna be ok" so shes not too intimidated to ask me out
I've got this Twitter thing figured out.1 inspirational tweet then 97-10000 dick jokes. Rinse, repeat.
I've made 4 suicide pacts in my life. Luckily I've won 4 coin tosses to see who goes first.
What's a acceptable amount of blood for a heterosexual man to find in the toilet after he poops? It's none right? I think its none.
Poor Demi, I haven't seen someone so upset over losing a boy toy since Michael Jackson.
We aren't gonna do Wikipedia jokes ALL day are we guys? Guys? We aren't gonna do that right?
Fuck.....
Saw a internet video of a guy fucking a PB&J sandwich & though."Ok, that's it. I will never see anything more disturbing"....then he ate it.
Now that Seal is single again he will hafta try to get out and meet new people. He's gonna need to get over his fear of clubbing.
For $.39 I could feed an impoverished child for a day, or I could buy two handfuls these Jolly Ranchers... Kid needs to learn to hunt.
Twitter jerk
