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I'm white but not swallows her ambien with a glass of wine, white.
Jk, I drink the whole bottle.
A hall of fame for twitter dicktures will open in 20 years.
It's an honor to just be nominated.
Overthinking: Forever creating problems that aren't there!!
Let's turn this abortion house into an abortion home.
There's only one way for complete chord management in your studio and that is TO KILL YOURSELF!
I can't be the only one who lives in a multiple toilet home yet your spouse takes a dump on the one in the bathroom where you're showering.
My Twitter is just one long never-ending victory lap.
My bartender made me a load of homemade candy for my birthday, in case you were wondering just how much of a fucking drunk I was.
My girlfriend wants me to move around instead of just lying down on the couch. She has obviously not factored in the rotation of the earth.
Stand-up comedian . On the weekends I shit in grand pianos for charity. Instagram: filetking