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Most engagement photos are trying to say, "We're a nice generic couple who likes to sit outside sometimes."
I haven't gotten one single compliment on my outfits in the six months I've been at my job but my sandwiches have gotten, like, eight.
"Liking" your own changed relationship status to "single" on Facebook is a lot like buying yourself flowers.
Going camping, ie doing drugs until I'm fucked up enough to want to sleep on the ground.
"Gary" isn't a name that gets moaned in bed.
Masturbated and now eating yogurt with shaky legs. I can't think of anything more womanly.
I get more flirty smiles from men in my vintage Batman shirt than I do in any short dress, by which my faith in penis-kind is restored.
Date the girl who orders a steak rather than a salad. Marry the woman who has to take a dump in the middle of her steak and salad.
Lotsa people in pot leaf t-shirts waitin' for the bus. Any correlation?
Hookah is a stupid. I'd rather eat flavored candy and not be lightheaded. Or just get high and eat candy.
Office ladies: cool it with the holiday clip art in your email signature.
Contrary to popular belief, everyone likes a tease.
Right now, a teenaged lesbian is getting fingered for the first time in her '96 Jeep Cherokee.
In Russia the pussy eats you.
I assume fat guys biking to work at this hour are alcoholic construction workers with revoked driver's licenses.
9 out of 10 homeless guys agree I'm a totally fuckable fat chick.
Cousin's pregnant. Wonder if the father is from MySpace or XBox 360.
I still don't know if I'm supposed to flush tampons.
I wish I loved anything as much as black guys in track pants love me.
Jingle Bell's Palsy #sadchristmassongs
Photographer and art writer: http://t.co/rASUSgS58v http://t.co/siqtEfVJMz