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@Terrillific's (Terrill Fischer) most faved Tweets...
Terrillific
It's a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
@Terrillific
Terrillific
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, the new boss is going to *love* my new two-day work weeks.
@Terrillific
Terrillific
I don't believe in reincarnation….although I did in my previous life.
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Terrillific
My dad took me camping, I told him I'm afraid of bears in the woods, he said don't worry son they've all been stung to death by scorpions.
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Terrillific
When life seems difficult, do what the Marines do, "Embrace the Suck"
@Terrillific
Terrillific
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. ~ Elayne Boosler
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Terrillific
Have u ever noticed that as soon as you get rid of what u no longer need or want, new things start to show up?
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Terrillific
It seems that everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet. Right?
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Terrillific
How to Write Original Comedy Material by Carlos Mencia #worldsthinnestbooks
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Terrillific
Does anyone want to trade ruts with me for awhile?
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Terrillific
Why didn't someone tell me that the rest of my computer still works when your internet goes down.
@Terrillific
Terrillific
I was in Denny's one night & couldn't figure out what to order, so I asked her what she recommended, She said, ..'the IHOP'
@Terrillific
Terrillific
They're doing full-body pat-downs at the airport. I didn't get on any airplanes but I did get off.
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Terrillific
Have u noticed that when u deal with a 4 year old child that in no time at all u begin to sound like a 4 year old kid?
@Terrillific
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MDuettepreciousmarthUncleDynamitetollehausMODATAlcoholicManDoanDoDattammyphinneybluedream420pvaraskaseandannasmomsuperduperjesrbokSwissSP13bedheadblondeSexyInsomniac
Terrillific
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” - Paula Poundstone
@Terrillific
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Terrillific
My wife says to me right before she goes to bed with her glass of water, "Don't Drink My Water!"
@Terrillific
16
topnotchtutorprettygirlmasonDoanDoDatdesirousgoddesstollehausrbokpreciousmarthNikiWithIssuesAlcoholicMantammyphinneybluedream420pvarasiamyoushouldtooMODATbedheadblondeSexyInsomniac
Terrillific
Right now I'm in between naps.
@Terrillific
15
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Terrillific
Pro Tip for the Geeks: You ain't getting any action from the ladies until you get rid of the action figures in your bedroom.
@Terrillific
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KathieHillSmmytheRzoukambrockBettyLiesCroweJamiMelbelblondediva11has2b_christyvBlingVodkawstafricanredgitaGreeblemonkey
Terrillific
We see everything in life through our own filters. We should probably clean those filters occasionally.
@Terrillific
12
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Terrillific
There are a lot of very funny people I follow. You all need to be writing for television, especially Leno.
@Terrillific
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jorshuwahMeetingBoyCroweJamRyanJJohnrongillmoreMrsNutcase215bedheadblondeSuck_A_DuckAmyRangelSexyInsomniacTheBosharedtothetone
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