Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

If your cooler than me, doesn't that make me hotter than you?

This "make me a sandwich" comment is getting old!! FUCK!


If you were a great fuck I wouldn't be able to move to make you a damn sandwich!

Pretty doesn't hide stupid.

The top ten reasons why masturbation is better than sex:


10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.

I childproofed my house......but they still manage to get in.

A bad personality can make even the most attractive person ugly.

I wanna choke you out.



With my legs wrapped around your neck.

I need coffee and a orgasm.




And not necessarily in that order.

Get your mind out of the gutter.




You're blocking my view!

Someone needs to invent a child-proof lock that can be placed on the pants of stupid people.

If you were a squirrel I'd let you bust a nut in my hole.

I consider sex a misdemeanor, the more I miss it the meaner I get.

The first rule of The Twitter Club:

1) THERE ARE NO RULES! :)

Be polite to everyone, but intimate with few.

I don't want to Rise and Grind....I want to Stay and Lay!!

I had to tell him.......




Please tell your pants it's rude to point;)

I woke up with a headache, who wants to rub my forehead?



It's not an excuse, if you want to rub your penis on my forehead that works too!

One of these days i am going to have morning sex.


With someone besides myself.

Shhhh......I'm naked under my clothes.