You wouldn't think it was condescending if you were smarter.

Sex must be hard for Hipsters. Knowing that they like something the rest of us do.

#NameAExYouWouldTakeBack .... Hold on, I really need to think about who I'd like to re-dump the most.

Mark Zuckerberg just bought #instagram for a billion dollars .... What a fool ....he could have just downloaded the free app.

Romney is explaining taxes...if only he would tell us how to avoid them as well as he does. #debate #CNNdebate

Does anyone else feel like their getting "Punk'd" for believing that Rihanna & Ashton Kutcher are dating?

#BiggestLiesGirlsSay "I missed your call". Thats funny because your phone never leaves your hand.

My drunken sensibility is much more interesting then my sober justifications.

My best ideas start with "fuck it".

Remember guys ...girls don't lie they just have their own version of what happened.

When I flush a used condom down the toilet I always pour a little beer in there for all my dead homies.

You're missing the point I neglected to make.

#YouKnowYouGhetto When you have a Facebook and twitter account but have no way to check it without using other peoples Internet devices.

#GhettoHalloweenTreats All the McDonald's nugget sauces that you've saved up because they taste like candy to you. http://t.co/X5eXgaN6

#HowToKeepARelationship A little rope, some hand cuffs and just give it some time for the stockholm syndrome to kick in. Love takes time.

I still get uncomfortable when some one tries to touch my inner child.

You stole my tweet and I still put a star on it....because it was that good....Have a nice day asshole.

Don't watch the news, it's full of spoilers. I just found out the weather for the entire week.

#ThingsNotToDoDuringAFuneral give a long explanation of atheism to the family of the deceased. "theres no better place, this was it for him"

#signsofcheating when that person you love says “I know ur up 2 something”and ur not, it’s because they are. #UFeelingGuilty ?