Dear parents upset over Katy Perry on Sesame Street,

Women have breasts. Elmo doesn't wear any pants. Grow the hell up.

#kthxbai

Last nights halftime show was the worst episode of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" ever.

A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.

Tim Tebow: Most talked about white Bronco since O.J.

My iPhone auto corrects "I want BK for dinner" to "I want bj for dinner." It truly knows me

I put the 'baby' in the babysitter...








Don't tell my wife.

To err is human, to arr is pirate.

Lady Gaga is a constant reminder that erections have consequences.

Eagles QB Michael Vick wants a dog, I also hear OJ Simpson wanted to take another stab at marriage.

Dear Ellen Degeneres,

Thanks for giving $1 million to feed starving dogs.

Signed,
Starving children

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

If my penis is burning, does that mean someone is talking about it?

Just to think, if OJ Simpson hadn't murdered those people, Kim Kardashian would be a waitress at a Denny's somewhere.

I saw a homeless guy holding up a sign that said "bet you can't hit me with a quarter", well played hobo, well played

Did you know that "Dammit I'm Mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm Mad?" ...Your mind = Blown.

Who named Trojan condoms?

Didn't the Trojan horse enter the gates, break open & have loads of little guys come out & fuck every1's day up?

I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

So I guess Beyoncé really is pregnant. Looks like Jay Z has 100 problems.

Note to self: calling your kids "Fuck Trophies" will get you in trouble with the wife at some point.

Oral sex can make your whole week.
Anal sex can make your hole weak.