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Dear parents upset over Katy Perry on Sesame Street,
Women have breasts. Elmo doesn't wear any pants. Grow the hell up.
Last nights halftime show was the worst episode of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" ever.
A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
Tim Tebow: Most talked about white Bronco since O.J.
I put the 'baby' in the babysitter...
Don't tell my wife.
My iPhone auto corrects "I want BK for dinner" to "I want bj for dinner." It truly knows me
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Dear Ellen Degeneres,
Thanks for giving $1 million to feed starving dogs.
Lady Gaga is a constant reminder that erections have consequences.
Eagles QB Michael Vick wants a dog, I also hear OJ Simpson wanted to take another stab at marriage.
Just to think, if OJ Simpson hadn't murdered those people, Kim Kardashian would be a waitress at a Denny's somewhere.
If my penis is burning, does that mean someone is talking about it?
Dear Pauline Marois
Maybe when you've gathered up all those hijabs, you can use them to hold together all of Quebec's roads and bridges.
I’m just waiting for someone to tell Fox News that Peyton Manning’s yelling “OBAMA” instead of Omaha and watch them lose their minds.
I saw a homeless guy holding up a sign that said "bet you can't hit me with a quarter", well played hobo, well played
I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.
This stream of consciousness has been brought to you by heavy doses of RedBull, Starbucks and sarcasm from The Chosen people.