I forgive people by forgetting about them.

A pretty face and a great body will never compensate for an uncaring soul and an uncaring heart.

Being honest may not get you a ton of friends but it'll get you the right ones.

In a recent survey 9 out of 10 bros actually chose Ho's over each other.

I love it when people throw out those inspirational tweets like ‘live life to the fullest’ after they’ve spent the entire day on Twitter.

Before the truth can set you free you need to recognize which lie is holding you hostage.

Hell hath no fury like woman tagged in a Facebook photo that makes her look fat.

I've never once used the "C word" in a tweet but I will now!!!!

Cookie.

There, happy now? You cunts.

The worst thing in the world you can do to your significant other is make them feel tolerated instead of making them feel desired.

When someone is kind to you consider yourself lucky & return the kindness because this world lacks a lot of things & kindness is at the top.

The battery to my car remote died and I had to manually open my door like some parachute pants wearing break dancer from the damn 80's.

I gave a homeless man the spare jacket I keep in my car & he said that he didn’t think anyone cared & started crying. I’ve never felt warmer

I use Tweeter to keep up with pop culture.

For example I have no idea who Adele is but according to everyone here, I hate that bitch.

I dump a bucket of Gatorade on myself after I'm finished masturbating because I'm just that fucking awesome.

I just helped a woman with her grocery bill because she was a few dollars short & her daughter said “He’s a nice man mommy”

I’ve won today.

Any man that hits a woman is weak minded waste of society that in my opinion doesn't deserve the right to even breath the same air as me.

You have never experienced true loneliness until you've been married.

For a bunch of people that are constantly drunk and/or high, your grammar & lack of typos is impeccable.

I can’t wait until being a decent fucking human being actually means something to people again.

How many retweets could a tweet retweet if a tweet could retweet tweets.