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I'd give you my number, but I'm afraid you might actually call instead of text.
I'm dead inside.
*bubble wraps my heart, just in case
Hurt always fumbles the words we should and shouldn’t have said.
Neighbour just said "hey beautiful" and when I whipped my head round he was talking to his chainsaw.
[Han Solo getting Tattoo]
And it's HAN Solo jackass,
don't be adding the D motherfucker.
My greatest accomplishments in life call me momma
Head down two blocks, take a left then drive until you're nowhere near where you need to be and ask someone else.
~Me giving directions
Fuck society's standards. I will walk alone and fight like a rebel before I ever conform to be a slave to the system.
An unfollow is like you tapping out in a cage fight
You're always going to be someone's bitch
I'm too pretty for this shit I say motioning to everything in life that requires me to actually get off the couch
Ok time for a game. Who can tell me what to do if you encounter a bear?
Kids: PLAY DEAD!
Bear: I just want a friend.
You can't fix stupid, but you can bet your ass I'll subtweet it.
Excuse me while I be myself and not someone you think I should be.
Don't eat that!
Where's your mom?
I saw you eat your booger.
Is your dad hot?
Just once I want someone on Family Feud to tell their family member that their answer was stupid as fuck.
Sadly, you need to treat some Twitter people like zoo animals: Look from afar, be entertained, but don't get close or they'll bite.
*slams hands on table*
HOW DID BUZZ KNOW TO FREEZE AROUND HUMANS IF HE DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A TOY, CAROL?
I think my favorite part about going to the gym is when I sit in the parking lot and cry
A horrible person, sarcasm specialist & part-time photographer. The Snuggle bear needs to die. Instagram / Flickr same name. I've been blocked by @snooki.
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