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How to exercise:
1) Go to mall
2) Run out of money
3) Repeat daily
Could you just sub-tweet your true feelings like an adult please!
Screw sexy. Bring originality back.
I sincerely hope that every person who swears rape and/or domestic violence is a choice, never has to find out how wrong they are.
"Fuck your morals."
- Me to me, after 3 drinks
I put the ho in hot flash ;)
It's just one of those don't fucking touch me why aren't you comforting me you're such an asshole I love you kinda days.
Congratulations on your courage over the internet.
Your anonymous account shows your spinal fortitude
Wait until you're caught bro
Today I was diagnosed with a disease that won't kill me but could affect my quality of life
Multiple sclerosis picked the wrong girl
Twitter just removed the 140 character limit on DMs.
Ladies, now you can tell the guys how much* you think of their dick pics.
Just giving my coworkers the silent (fuck you) treatment.
4th grade student: How old are you?
Me: Quite a bit older than you.
Student: So like 23?
Me: Deal. Tell all your friends.
Remember when you were sweet on me?
When your texts flowed like wine and inappropriate work boners
Those were the days
Also, I said boner
GF: What's a Twitter Elite?
Me: A person that is incapable of having a real life.
If you're not going to role play Henry Rollins and rage fuck me to Black Flag then what are we even doing?
[on a date]
Him: so are you low maintenance?
Me: totally. I use two, three filters tops.
Me: blow jobs.
Him: shall we split dessert?
Sad and depressed are not the same thing, there's a reason when someone's sad, but when someone's depressed don't expect to understand.
Do you spell your baby's name S-t-u-p-i-d because that's what it sounds like
You Twittercide, and keep coming back.
*adds attention whore to your resume
We have all been through shit in our lives; the difference is some of us choose not to play the victim.
A horrible person, sarcasm specialist & part-time photographer. The Snuggle bear needs to die. Instagram / Flickr same name. I've been blocked by @snooki.
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