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Sex is like trigonometry. I did it in my teens but as I get older, I learn I never use it in my everyday life
Duck:Wanna play hangman?
| _ _ _ _ _
Me: Bread. BREAD! It's always bread!
* wonders would Scientology even exist if Ron Hubbard's mother had found the poor doggie a bone when she went to the cupboard ...
Don't get all emojitional on me.
You may remember me from previous conversations when I said "what"? and "can you repeat that"?
Sometimes just sitting quietly next to someone, holding his or her hand in encouragement, speaks more in volume than any words.
Be kind to animals or I will kill you
I am a wonderful person.
Depression: Let's take it down a notch, pal.
Only 1% of people you meet stay in your life. Remember that when deciding who to trust, who deserves your time & who gets naked pics of you.
#1 Law of Twitterland
Anything you say in private via DM will be screenshot and used against you in a Court of Cliques.
Why don't I respond to @'s?
Have you met yourselves!?
I have a habit of 5 starring bad movies on amazon because if I wasted 90+ minutes on that crap, I want you to suffer too.
Me: Why did you hide when Ethel came over?
Guardian Angel: That woman scares me
Me: She's 80
GA: She scares God
Favstar T-shirt? No thanks, I don't want to drown in that kind of pussy
Inner reflection is great until you start feeling depressed
Only hire hit men that drive eco-friendly cars.
Cause people suck, but the earth is cool.
I have been subtweeted. Please allow me and my family some space during these trying times.
The ball’s in my court….but I throw like a girl.
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
I mean plagiarists.
A horrible person, sarcasm specialist & an all around meanie head. The Snuggle bear needs to die. Instagram same name. I've been blocked by @snooki.
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