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A subtweet, but with meaning.
If you could overdose on loneliness I would have been dead a long time ago.
Well it's 5 o'clock somewhere.
*murders a hobo*
[at a restaurant]
Oh wow this looks so delicious!!
*takes phone out
*posts on FB
Waiter this dish is cold!!
DIRECTV commercial idea:
I'm Rob Lowe, & I have DIRECTV.
And I'm "Record underage girls having sex with me" Rob Lowe, & I have cable.
What Mary won't tell you is that her "little lamb" grew up to be "very delicious!"
Me: Hey, don't judge me, bro.
Judge: But I'm a--
Me: Zip it.
Lawyer: I don't recommend--
Me: You too, Matlock.
Thankfully I know how to fight my own battles. And just like in a movie, sometimes having mercy leaves you sucker punched.
If you're so inspirational, why are you still here?
*cuddles crying friend
ME: Sshh little one. I'm right here. Would you feel better if we just go kill him?
HER: *sob You're a pyscho
Slightly scared by how creatively I'm beginning to hate someone.
There's no shame in asking a friend or family member for money if you really need it, but faking cancer to scam money is just fucked up.
You've been coloring since childhood, yet you can't seem to figure out where your natural lip line ends?
"YOU HAVE SUCH AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM," I shout at the flower that doesn't bloom.
YOUR SELFIES ARE ALL THE SAME YOUR SELFIES ARE ALL THE SAME YOUR SELFIES ARE ALL THE SAME YOUR SELFIES ARE ALL THE SAME YOUR SELFIES ARE ALL
If you want an art degree, don't waste money on college. Just go to jail.
Some barbarian just had the audacity to call me…ON MY PHONE.
I panicked and spiked it directly into the garbage disposal.
You feel what I'm feeling?
I hope not
A horrible person, sarcasm specialist & an all around meanie head. The Snuggle bear needs to die. Instagram same name. I've been blocked by @snooki.