Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My super power is landing on my own two feet.
Every. Damn. Time.
"Grandpa, you have boobies!"
Shut your little whore mouth sweetheart.
How many steps does it really take to get to the center of attention?
"There are tons of gorgeous women on the internet who'd KILL to love me!"
...is what I say to get my wife laughing hysterically.
I'm fine = Fuck off.
Maybe she likes acting like a slut on the internet.
You don't know.
*Starbucks manager strikes barista with bamboo stick as she pours coffee*
Plurals are confusing. It's it penises or peni?
-asking for proper grammar
Stop trying to fix other people... that's their responsibility...
Twitter, where you win with words while you lose at life.
It scares the shit out of me that most of you are capable of reproducing.
Yeah. That'll get their attention.
I've got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I'm stressing about for absolutely no logical reason
*mass unfollows all the dicks that have been inside me*
Depression can blind you from the fact that everything you've ever wanted is right in your stupid sad face.
How Fake Was Your Catfished Twitter Relationship?
1. Marilyn Monroe quotations
2. Moon Landing
3. Female orgasm
✔Out the banjo
I will rip your heart out and make you feel the most heartbreak you've ever felt and you'll still love me. I can do no wrong.
His mind, pervs.
It's kinda bullshit that not one person has broke their neck trying to impress me breakdancing.
A horrible person, sarcasm specialist & an all around meanie head. The Snuggle bear needs to die. Instagram same name. I've been blocked by @snooki.