Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"I AM A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY!"
*crawls back in pillow fort*
You call it a joke, I call it my life.
Netflix just suggested that I get the fuck off the couch.
What's the point in being stupid if you aren't happy.
Top 5 Things I Say During Sex:
1. Wrong hole
2. No the other hole
3. Still the wrong one
4. Yes, I have more than one
5. Just finish already
I'm kinda Evil?
I'll try harder next time :/
U + me = :(
*21 century breakup
What does melancholy & disappointement smell like? I'm working on a new fragrance.
Will anyone love you without those filters?
Maybe if you RTd peoples tweets with less than 10k. You're shitty tweets would get RTd too
The more you know
If you knock over Mommy's wine, I will take all the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms.
Please block me, so I don't have to do ALL the work.
Pictures sunny day.
Wife: Are you listening to me?!
Me: Of course.
You can create a story and sell it all you want as fact in the absence of facts. Doesn't mean it's accurate or true even if some believe you
Some people are so desperate to be with someone, they'll accept the worst treatment and call it, "love".
Love should never hurt.
POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP!
ME: My parents never loved me.
POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR!
ME: That makes way more sense.
FUCK COLLEGE IS HARD I'M GOING BACK TO STRIPPING.
I may have a "life-limiting" illness but I will fight every fucking "limit" it brings.
It's not that I'm strong; I'm just a pain in the ass.
Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.
A horrible person, sarcasm specialist & an all around meanie head. The Snuggle bear needs to die. Instagram same name I've been blocked by @snooki