Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
People have told me I have a "black girl's ass" which is a relief cuz I'm pretty sure it makes up for the fact that I have "white-guy tits"
"Fuck it, no one's listening." -me in every social encounter
"Look, you're great I just can't be in a relationship right noowww...until you've boosted my ego enough to go after that other girl!" -Dudes
L.A. is a great place to subtly remind you how super replaceable you are
Once when I went to a concert alone, I stood next to the trash cans the whole time. It was pretty cool because I normally date garbage.
Hey fellas! Can't wait until all of your hip new girlfriends try to change you!
Someone asked if I've been working out lately and I was like no I've just had diarrhea for like a year
HEY LONELY DUDES: wearing clothes that fit you properly will help you get the girl, I promise!
Just forget I said everything, ever.
This is not my 7-11 and everyone is terrifying.
ROBOT VOICE: "You are. An attractive gentleman. With whom I might enjoy...spending. Time with." - me flirting
Second time an old man asked me if I was a dancer and second time I looked away and darkly replied "Sometimes..."
Fell for another "Deez Nuts" joke again.
All I ever really need is a good hot make-out and maybe some jeans-boner.
My favorite thing at work is when someone in a couple says "You want a latte, Babe?" and I get to tell them we don't make those.
My dog Jan growled at some hip drunk adults outside the music venue by my house and I said "Sorry, she hates nerds."
Just deleted like 6 drafts about how much I hate the brunch shift. Brunch goers, CHECK YOURSELF. No one is that special, we are all human.
I'm not embarrassed and I'm not sorry so what's left?
Waitress. Writer. Comic. Female Jack Tripper.
Like @ThatsSoLampy’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Gift them Pro!