Maybe love isn't real, maybe it's MAGIC!

Enlightenment is a convergence of facts given to you as a riddle. Once you get the answer, it all makes sense. You already know the answer.

According to the pictures in my little book about raising kittens, cats prefer white women between the ages of 25 and 35.

My boyfriend just said he knows nothing of 'Tweeter'. Omg I have to tweet about this!

I have depression stemming from overwhelming societal problems and I can't smoke weed? Are you trying to kill me?

Making a statement without saying anything > saying something without making a statement.

Leggings are not pants. Jeggings are pants.

Can someone please explain to me how http://t.co/Ej1NjuTK has any journalistic integrity on this issue? #ows @wsj @nytimes @newyorker

@oopsrevolution I was walking down the street and saw #ows and then I talked to someone. #oopsrevolution

Is it weird that I imagine myself as an Inuit when cooking fish? I could have really used more culture growing up.

It's really hard to convince my parents how much our new kitten and my weed plant love each other.

I would love to get work done on my computer but this popcorn is making my fingers sticky and I'm also stoned.

Does anyone want to grab a beer... at CVS?

Where does the scary music in the background of conspiracy theory documentaries come from? It's like they're all from the same source...

I apparently have no choice at the moment in the matter of will I or won't I make kraft mac & cheese.

I demand cheese, right this instant.