Google glasses are great because I've been wondering how going on a date with somebody glued to their iPhone could get any more annoying

God made "romance" and "take off your pants" rhyme for a reason.

I don't take coffee without milk and sugar because I'm "sweet enough". I take it because I have an enormous penis.

I was a feral, filthy child. Raised by eyebrows.

Coach rhinos, guys, don't poach rhinos. Believe in yourself, Rhino.

Church, are you mad at the hobosexuals too?

Lookin' goooood, Spar ladies. #Movember

Spanspek does not mean Team Bacon.

Am watching The Beaver and am kind of confused about howcome Jodie Foster isn't the one with her hand up a beaver here

@elsapelsjas @rosekotze @joshdkock last one: Afrikaans is better than English t'day because sompompie > calculator.

On a scale of Tegan to Sara how gay is today?

@keenanmulvaney Keenan when you type do you hit Caps Lock or do you hold Shift in?

I really really appreciate how people at AfrikaBurns can't live-Tweet AfrikaBurns.

I spilled coffee on everything important. I know this makes me look very clumsy but actually, I'm just successfully marking my territory.

I'm so happy all these friendly-looking middle-aged men want to add me to their professional networks on LinkedIn!

Who invented the "effortless platonic neck kiss"? EXPLAIN yourself. And explain what you're supposed to do back? Re-position and kiss back?

How bullshit was The Avengers? Mark Ruffalo and Robert Downey Jnr don't kiss even ONCE.

My Tranny name is Wolfpack Fannypack.

Stellenbosch to become SA's first town with free wifi everywhere. Awesome. http://t.co/nOYnzzQ7

90% of my internal monologue is really just Homer Simpson chanting "I am Evil Homer/ I am Evil Ho-MER!"