#NationalAssDay? Since when did they give my ex an entire day?

Boyfriend? Nah. I just want someone who will take naps with me and tell me I'm pretty.

Casual Friday. I'm going to work naked and covered in glitter.

You know that guy who tells you everything you want to hear? Don't trust him. The right guy will actually probably piss you off a lot.

I wish i could just wear a t-shirt and underwear everywhere.

Pants are nothing but an inconvenience

You would be my soulmate if I had a soul. But I don't, so bye.

#DescribeYourExUsingOnlyAMovieTitle Gone in 60 Seconds

Be good to me, but do bad things with me.

Love comes in many forms - booze, chocolate, cheesecake, a great song, high heels, mascara, and push up bras.

Lol, what's a boyfriend?

Starting to realize I truly care, and so bye.

Whoever I end up with is one lucky fucker.

If I ever let a guy in and he decides to stick around, I'll treat him like a king.

You're just a lie I tell myself.

One day, your life will be nothing but a collection of stories. And many of the tears will turn to laughter. So just relax.

I pushed you away because I love you. Just kidding, I did it because you're an asshole. Go fuck yourself.

I don't realize how much I like you until things happen and you're the first person I want to tell.

I caught feelings, which is basically a death sentence.

Sometimes I love you and sometimes I'm sober.