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Hey Jessica Biel, you suck if you don't name your kid Batmo.
Why the fuck is 50 Cent's new fragrance called Power and not Fiddy Scent?
I GET KNOCKED DOWN, and I take a nap again.
Hot chicks don't poop, they hold it in and it comes out as drama.
How are any of you ladies expected to find Mr. Right if you don't post a picture of your tits?
Weird how we've all become so comfortable with the term wife-beater for a shirt. I'm wearing one now with a nazi bra, and rape sandals.
My favorite color is whiskey.
Accidentally used AOL to search something. I'll bet everyone over there probably high-fived each other and got hopeful about the future.
I scream. You scream. The neighbors get involved. The dog barks. The police come. It's awkward. We all scream for ice cream!
Probably going to be kicked out of this hospital if I get caught using their intercom to page Dr. Dre one more time.
I don't trust Canadians. Look what they did to my fucking bacon.
If you need to check our astrological signs to see if we're compatible, we're not.
People are like trees: They both fall down when you hit them with an axe
Funny how Instagram sluts think guys are following them for their cloud pics.
Just found out that hitchhikers are not in fact telling me that I'm an awesome driver.
The first thing the new black owner of an explosives company does is fire crackers.
I just got totally stoned and realized that the word 'suns' looks exactly the same upside down.
Bachelor, astronaut, cocksucker, executioner, retard, loser, toy, millionaire, soldier, comedian, mermaid fucker, tranny. -Tom Hanks' resume
STAR this with your tongue.
Opinions are like assholes. Everyone wants mine.