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I don't spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly,like a fucking lady.
Optimistic Thought of the Day: You are always 1/3 of the way towards having a threesome.
For the record, I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people knew how to manage their fucking stupidity.
You aren't truly a parent until you have flipped your kid off behind their back at least once.
I'm eating my feelings and they're fucking delicious.
Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs they're not a door.
One day, karma will ass-fuck you with a cactus. My dying wish is to be there filming it when it happens.
I'm pretty much up for anything that replaces human interaction.
Lord, please grant me the strength not to beat this bitch with a bat.
When I grow up, I want to marry a grown man addicted to gaming - said nobody ever.
If my alarm is set to go off at 6 and you wake me up at 5:59 - prepare to die.
I don't think people on Facebook are aware that it's possible to go to the gym and NOT make it their status.
I don't have a bucket list, but my fuck-it list is getting longer by the minute.
My life is just a bunch of "It seemed like a good idea at the time"s strung together.
And that's why I'm on Twitter.
Some of you fucking scare me. I guess no one told you it's OK to take creepy down a notch? I'm telling you now.
Guys, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but we women are all the same - we just come in different bra sizes.
In other news: Fuck you.
I see there's no shortage of people here who've listed "writer" as their occupation.
We're using that term quite liberally, aren't we?
I don't have the amount of middle fingers this day is demanding. That's all there is to it.
Anybody else give inanimate objects a dirty look after you trip over them? No? Just me?
Proficient in sarcasm, jailbreaker, professional smartass, concert fanatic and all around awesome. I've taken over the Dark Side. They have cookies and shit.
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